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Ep. 128 – TikTok & Tour With My Alma Mater

You’ll die trying contain sensitive subject matter and conversation surrounding death and dying and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is respectfully advised. I don’t even wear glasses about these glasses for my then six year old who is now seven years old Everett, who had to get glasses who actually puts in contacts on his own, but nonetheless we’re sitting around and he’s like, I don’t want to wear these I don’t want to wear these. He’s already had his mother take him and he refused to try anything on was like, why don’t you pick a pair up for me? Anyway, I use some reverse psychology on him. And I picked these out for me. And he picked a similar pair out to to match him might have. There’s there’s there’s no prescription in there. What’s going on everybody? It’s YT T. However, you Trier’s doing so much has happened since 127, I mean, parently tick tock has embraced me. What happened was, never, never think you’re going to get a dull story. When a story starts. What happened was Haley, who was our social media manager was following me around on a tour that I give every single year to our high school students, my alma mater, Owensboro, Catholic High School go basis, they come and they get a tour. I give them the scenario that they are Mr. Smith, and they’re at two and they have just passed away at the hospital locally here. And I wanted to show them all points of our care, we start in the arrangement room, and we make our way up all the way through. I think what I’ve learned, the biggest and most valuable thing that funeral directors are able to do is we are able to genuinely meet you where you are. Meaning if you’re at your lowest of lows, we will meet you there, we will follow you there. And as you raise out of that, and into a level of joy, or contentment, we meet you there as well. We are able to be genuine all along the way. And that tour itself was me meeting these high school students where they are as a 36 year old as a business professional. They’re standing in a suit, I could have given them jargon, jargon, that was more formal, more by the book, if you will. Instead, I spoke to them in a way in which I knew that they wanted to be spoken to not to mention a few of those students we had recently served recently as in one month or less, so the delicacy when we enter into the care center. Words matter. I’ve always said that especially in this podcast in life. You know, you are so hypersensitive to the way you say things what you say how and why. And along the way, you trip up sometimes but nonetheless you are original, you are authentic and you are real. Fast forward that tour was filmed. Haley who I just referred to posted a clip of that onto ticky tock. Unbeknownst to me, it generates over 60,000 views and then

she posts a follow up which is part two, which generates to date last I looked over 1.7 million views and we’re at over 31,000 followers and counting we are trying to moderate these comments and respond to all good bad, negative positive in a way in which is loving, thought provoking and kind nonetheless, because of all of this that has happened within the last week what better episode to release than a raw episode you’ll die trying raw episode my alma mater comes and visits Haley actually filmed most all of this to her that I gave unbeknownst to me once again, and that audio and video are available. right this second on this podcast. And of course our streaming where some of your content you do receive. As always though this podcast and the ones before it and after are sponsored exclusively by Yep, big turkeyfoot coffee, yum, big turkeyfoot you can grab it over at y dt

or you’ll die trying.com grab a bag, grab some swag, fill that mug over there with some of that delicious brown brew. It’s absolutely delicious hats off to the crew over big turkeyfoot coffee. And also just a reminder every week simultaneously as your training episodes drop, so do you’ll die trying the obituary. Every week, you will get a take a maybe more lighthearted take on the content that I’m talking about. So it’s a podcast about a podcast. And of course, eff expressed funeral funding, who supports funeral homes and families on the back end as well as this podcast you’ll die trying. How they do you say? Well, the days of handshakes, of course still are important. But funeral homes and funeral directors cannot rely on those for funds. We require any payment up front so that we can carry out all of our dignified care to the best of our abilities. EFF works on the back end with the insurance companies assigning proceeds to cover those expenses so it doesn’t have that lingering balance due looming over the heads of those in which we are serving, so that also funeral directors can do their jobs exquisitely well, allowing for families to gather grieving, remember, on the front end the most important and while BFF works tirelessly on the back end to support these families and their financial needs. Also they have an option called family pay. If there are proceeds that exceed the funeral balance, sure family can get those in advance as well. It is family pay, it is real. Please visit Express funeral funding.com to learn the invaluable, invaluable ways in which they serve our families and serve the funeral homes themselves. season two episode 128 a show which pulls back the curtain especially this episode tears down the walls Brick by Brick exposes the true hearts of those who are caring for those they love most. Alright, let’s dive in. This is my alma mater. These are the seniors at Owensboro. Catholic high school we are giving a tour. Mr. Smith is 82 years old. He has just passed away at the hospital and I wanted to show them how Mr. Smith doesn’t just magically appear in a casket in a chapel doll. There are so many more steps for reverent, dignified, delicate, unique care. And these are the things in which we do. Hello, ladies, go straight second entry turn left. Hello, gentle lads. Before Hey guys, what’s up senor? Senor recently, ladies and gentlemen. And right now you’re actually in a room that’s original to this funeral. 1860s Bill, Dr. Williams started to build it for his life. Dude ran out of money is Penny sermons folly, basically, because it was a failure so to speak. He sold it to a prominent tobacco farmer in 1913. This guy finishes it and then it becomes historical landmark houses this loaded dude. And he has the biggest parties that Owensboro actually arguably has seen hosts, famous people, notable people. And there’s a lot of really cool history to this place. And if you looked outside and you’re looking up, there’s that steeple so to speak, it had a spiral staircase that was up to four stories. Now it’s three. During World War Two, they chopped off a story and then donated all those steel disavow staircase to the war effort, literally would throw it on the side of the road and then come pick it up and attack. So this was a working funeral home and 38. Before that we’re on maybe you know where the old first security bank is in the parking garage used to store parking garage. That was our livery service and stable. So all men and top hats with their horse and carriage would go and pick up the debt and put them in the horse and carriage take the delivery. Or they would go to a kitchen table at the people’s houses in which the loved one passed away. And they were the bomb them on the kitchen table or a portable table. Yeah, it was crazy. People were weird like that, right? And then this started to houses stations and funerals with 38. And then 66. You look on that wall. They’re all under a funeral home, which was on Frenchmen street where the VFW is fuming over the VFW across from Russia. There’s a parking lot between that and at&t. That’s where the Owensboro funeral home was. So 66 They merge here. Hey, let me in. It’s nonzero. 2016 isn’t going to stay home and crematory. So it’s been here for forever, literally employees that have lived upstairs and died. So I mean, it’s it’s taken care of as far as since it’s a female establishment 15,000 or so families. But way more than that come through our care because in this room This is where it starts. This is the Ranger is where stories are told stories you shared. And then we as funeral directors and I talked about before half, two days to get right. Celebrate what it is this person represented, how they live, how they thrived, how they raised a family and we had two days to get right in front all these details together favorite colors, music, clothing, everything. It has to be perfect. It starts here. So from this point on you are Mr. Smith are 82 years old. You just died at the hospital. I don’t think you have done the tour of the hospital enough yet. Well, there’s no reason

to to mark some room with a cooler. So you think they don’t just get here magically. Right. So when someone dies at the hospital, Miss Smith will sweet little lady by the bedside, the family the nurse comes up to the family and say who is going to be caring for Mr. Smith? Well, you’re dead in the bed. And Mrs. Smith says hailing industry is caring for Mr. Smith. Well, what they do is they step out of the room and make a call to us two o’clock in the morning, one in the morning. 11 o’clock. It’s amazing. You go all day, you sit there and twiddle your thumbs. Like right now it’s kind of quiet. You might go learn, we got to lock the doors today, the phone would ring off. And I’ll stop. Let o’clock at night. It’s kind of a weird time. But that’s when people tend to die a lot more. And we answer the phone or Swift act. He literally puts our put our seats on, we actually don’t really see anybody believe it or not, you know that saying who are you and I’m not looking critical character character character can we go and receive that love on you, Mr. Smith are in the water at that time, because from the time that hospital calls us, Mrs. Smith and said our goodbyes until she’ll see him again. And then she leaves and then the nurses will then transfer to be able to walk through the hospital and looked in it looks almost like there’s a food tray apart. Walking by air. If you ever seen that. Again, remember that? You probably walked by a dead person. And you just didn’t know. So long table has like draped over top, it’s blue always thought it was a food car. Now there’s that person over there. So that’s how I get them from the rooms discreetly. Right hiding in plain sight to the more we received them from the mark. It’s a room with a cooler, we have a coffee filter about that. I think the carpet looks like the ambulance. Right? Y’all probably maybe even experienced it even recently. And I will tell you all we’re going to be going through the entire care, right? I’ll show you all the places and spaces that the public don’t necessarily see. I mean, they can we can welcome at any time, because my goal is to pull back that curtain once you feel comfortable and feel safe and say okay, obviously I’m young, I don’t have anything to worry about right now. I’m going to live to be old and wrinkly and gross looking. But for now I’m going viral, healthy and lovely. Right. But we want you to feel safe. If at any point throughout this process. You’re like, yeah, I don’t want to go over there. I get it, you know, especially those of us who have recently lost people. So I mean, I understand. But I want you all to experience what the family experiences, right. So this is the most important part before this even begins the foundries. So pay attention because at the end of it, I’m gonna ask some questions. All right, what’s wrong. So we call a care center. So not only does this care center care for Haley, goodness, loved ones, we have, again, 10 locations, and we also have contracts with national providers where someone from California dies, then we’ll care for them here and arrange for transport accordingly. If you look around in the sky, we have close circuit monitor. It’s not something that anyone can have access to as far as cameras are concerned. But this is the most reverent of places and spaces and no one was to perform anywhere, but above exceptional. Not something that you can access unless there was an instance where a family said, hey, my dad had a Rolex or the extra Rolex. And we can of course, pull that from an IT department and see that, hey, we need to do anything with the Rolex. Does that make sense? It’s just an integrity thing. And we want to make sure that everyone is performing. Remember, Mr. Smith’s body is on fire. If you look to your left Africa, not that old woman. Simply because we’ve had such a high volume. I mean, it’s crazy. A lot of Mercedes COVID And it has been totally but now you have baby boomers right after World War Two, they started coming along. Now we have such a high population for the next 15 years. They’re saying that death rates are just going to keep up. So Mr. Smith’s body is on the top rolls into here. From a young quality you don’t want to scare us you don’t want it certainly the loved ones placed on on this car is the heading that’s a foot end. Why does it matter? It does matter because the handle has essentially a handle in their steering. If that makes sense. You’re pushing a loved one. It’s also good to be next to the loved ones face on a home transfer someone does at home. We do not cover your face. That’s a blanket we will not cover your face unless we ask for permission. I always like to say something as lovely as with your blessing. I like to cover Mr. Smith it is it is cold out because it is cold. Right. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wanna be PJ’s out there, I think it’s a very reverent thing to do. We drink a lot of one’s body with the flag if they’re a veteran. We know all these things going into that. So Mr. Smith is placed on one of these two bony tables, dependent upon how busy we are. And without busy we are. We don’t know

which one. So the cat, she’s amazingly placed to one side or the other, I always placed the cop to the left side of the license thing because I’m left handed, and go to the other side of the table, this table here, because after I on latch the belts, right, the sheet that is probably going to be under him. If you’ve died in the hospital, that you’re actually in what’s called a body bag. It looks on movies really crazy and scary. And it’s so over a village. It’s not it’s a thin plastic and simply for universal precautions, you have to assume that everybody has every disease in the world. That makes sense. I have kids, I don’t do anything my kids. So you just have gloves down, you’re ready to roll. Right? So I’ll literally take under his arm, or grab his leg and Charlotte’s Web, follow me. So I slowly start to pull. Now I know that I have the momentum, they’re not going to because I don’t want him to saw your face. So I don’t want his head to flop. I think it’s respectful. So you grab their head, you slowly put them on this thing. Alright, so now they’re on the table. They’re still in the bag. They need to do some maneuvering. If I had to roll the kid or change the diaper or anything like that similar, honestly, because of the way with my bag out from under, take them out of the bag and place them in to biohazard. And then any gowns, gloves, anything that come up that gloves, gowns that would go in here, this is dirty laundry that gets laundered. So now you have Mr. Smith are on the table. Right? Do you have a courtesy qualifying you because obviously, I don’t know about you, but I just want to be sprawled out, you know, make it I think that’s disrespectful. So we have courtesy call, and then you’re saying logos in the casket, right? So they don’t just magically appear in that position. It’s called position. It’s critical that we get some gloves on. Always gloves, don’t touch anything. Probably worry about but just don’t touch with them. I mean, I wouldn’t advise anyone. There migraine, it was a tough, tough crowd. I always thought it was funny. I was a FICO day. And our driver says, Hey, are you a stand up comedian, and he was dead serious. And I said, Come on, man. Thank you. I knew I was sweating. This is the block that block on block whatever you want to block. Some elderly people are hunched over, right? So how do you make them look natural. So this block can do anything like that. If they’re hunched over a bigger person, they can go like that, and go like that. But I’m saying, sky’s the limit. You want the position of the head to be perfect. Because the first things you look at when you walk up to lemons, Cassatt whether you know it or not, or their hands, their mouth. And it’s very important. So it’s my job to make sure that the fish is positioned properly. This is also a hard block. Well, some people are built bigger. I’m a skinny guy, right? But some people who are bigger, the arm lock has to push the arm up higher so it gets that head on that belly. Right? Or they have really long arms and they’ve lost a lot of weight. Sometimes you don’t even need a block. The goal is is left over right why don’t we put the legend over right? Just think There you go. Go stars, lighting man. Most people want to see those rings. So with that, thank you rang last night. You always have a kind of a cup and if you can, the light lays and things like this. That’s weird, right? So left over right. legs are straight. Heads positions. Right. So now you’re done. You’re doing a pre volley analysis what that is I’m looking at Mr. Smith. You have a scar on your chest. What is that indicative of the long scar? Boom? What do you think would that mean as far as if you’re an embalmer? Poor what? Say more about SARS. Mr. Hardesty. No, that’s right. So the reason I say that is because every human bodies every human body is different. Right? I mean, if I die, right, that’s it and I’ll probably be the easiest embalming anyone. In this room as far as embalmers have had in a long time. circulatory system is good and healthy, as far as I know. But Mr. Smith, you show signs of heart disease and open heart surgery. See all these chemicals up here? They’re not just they’re all different. They all do a different thing. They all have different chemicals within them that either end help alleviate blood clots. Because if you’ve had our surgery, if you’ve been sick, and you’re under hospice, for instance, the medication that they give, you will oftentimes clog your book with just how it works. Or maybe they’re giving you blood thinners. Right. So now your blood is thin, and you bleed easily. Well, some of this will help. Maybe you have what’s called a demon. A lot of people, young people, especially if you are sick, and they’re trying to keep fluid off, they’re trying to give you fluids because you’re dehydrated or something, you can develop what’s called a demon. It’s where the fluid that’s in your system sounds good escapes from your circulatory system and it goes into your capillaries. Capillaries are kind of like the new type of things that go into your skin. So your skin swells and we get fluid in

your skin. And it’s it’s all there are chemicals that takes all that stuff. Whole goal for Mr. Smith, for the family to have a good positive experience with their loved one, when they go to have visitation is like next. So then the very long analysis, Mr. Smith is ready to start reading the call to pass on St. John’s same thing on the left ankle, the right person last time logged on the date and location, location, obviously, hmm, as far as crow would be a FC, etc. And then we can go up on here on that computer, we can generate what’s called markup sounds stupid sounds almost disrespectful. But you’d be amazed at how 80 of women, they don’t say, pretty goofy gray hair, everybody’s got 10 or 15. Markup look at the double tag here in good shape. You cannot mess this up is the reversals. So I’ll be damned if I’m wrong clothes go on. So follow me. That’s how we think. So that’s all that squared away, we literally scan through the process. So when we’re in our hair, their mom and their dress going across the top, we literally processes the process. When we hit the chapel, we literally have barcodes to show you that are on the chassis. Fantastic can be rolled down this area, although they’re upstairs to the same area to then go to the appropriate location. Alright, so cosmetics will happen, by way uses data. So rankings happen, which correlates the station the following day. It’s like okay, it’s afternoon, which is probably the day after or post environment for the next morning before the Windows app for their scheduled visitation. Okay, so now you can see that he took care center. This is literally like a logistical mess sometimes unprecedented. They’re asked for standards. I’m glad it gets pretty wild. Well, but any questions in here we go to the next step. All right. Let’s roll. All this stuff going on. In the front. You have the station people say Where’s the restroom? Do you have a restroom to go to a place and say do you have a restroom? Yes, they have a restroom. Just say May I use your restroom? Or can you point me to the restroom? We don’t. Anyway, so back here is where the casket would then would then go Mr. Smith’s gonna be in the chapel. So Miss Smith being literally rolled one person on one end one person on the other end. We’ll go right this way. Every Funeral Home has 18 hallways. There’s always stuff happening behind the scenes. There’s what’s called an urn arc. An arc is if someone has cremation and wishes to be cremated, they place their urn in that arc. And you can have visitation just the same. So this is literally a chapel everyone’s seen the chapel it looks like nothing. It looks weird and stupid almost. But it actually can become a really, really cool place where memorabilia and items that are important to this loved one flower arrangements that are incredible. can be placed around here. We’re super super committed to being unique and different. Like anybody can go to a funeral on anybody. Your funeral home, sell a casket involve somebody in the ground. Cool. Mike mercy, right now. Pretty nice. All right, classical furniture. Not everyone can create the experience. That’s why your parents took you to Disney. That’s why you remember your trip to Disney because it was an experience. You left and you felt it in your loins. You love it. It doesn’t matter. I didn’t even take my damn kids of Disney one time I took just Megan and me We’re not kidding. We’re like, sure all y’all we’re going to Disney. Like that’s a real thing. So that’s what we’re committed to here. If you don’t have to be just humdrum and headed. Yes, there’s a grief aspect to it. And that’s real. And I don’t know why we are just Like, let’s not talk about it. Let’s sweep it under the rug. No, let’s, let’s, let’s hug it out. Let’s cry. Let’s talk about it. This sucks. I get it. But isn’t it awesome that my dad did this? Isn’t it great that my grandfather did this? Look at all these people that have come from around the country or the state to just pay their respects. That’s cool. It gives me goosebumps. This is important. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how simple you want to be remembered. Doesn’t matter if you have a lot or a little, you’re worthy, right? So this room is that this wallpaper here was put on overnight, my late partner and dear friend Jack wells, you probably heard of his name, we care for him. This wallpaper was in his bedroom, that is at the Enclave at his house that he was his dream. He wanted it forever. He grew up dirt poor and Forestville, Kentucky, and he said he wanted something different. So the night before we had a crew come in here and put the damn wallpaper up. So then when the family came in for the visitation, wallpaper, his wallpaper in his bedroom, and it’s still up there and pay respect to him. That’s the stuff that we do that’s different. It’s important. I don’t care if you shuffle there. Oh, I could care less if you shovel dirt, but you got to be the best dirt shovel or in the world and be kind of the person to your left into your right. Right. So you have visitation in here, Mr. Smith, a family comes. And if you are ever in this hallway, or this line,

excuse me, and you’re waiting, and you’re getting closer, you’re like, oh my gosh, when I say Mr. Smith, I’m freaking out. I said Mr. Smith, I’m nervous wreck. All you got to say is this. Love you? Thinking about you praying for you? Please don’t say I’m sorry for your loss, even though your intentions are good. And you mean well, if you’ve said before, don’t beat yourself up. But are you? Alright? You know, words matter. Remember that she came up, they’ll remember nothing you said but they’ll remember how you made them feel. Give them a hug. Pat him on the back. Go on, go look at the items that are on display. Talk to some people that are around that are probably nervous too. And then go on about going about yourself. One thing I was told before you start working at the funeral home was go to the funeral from the visitation, right? Because that’s important to people you know, I don’t want to go it’s cold or it’s dark or I didn’t know them well matter. Just be present for them. You know and that’s that’s my job that’s that’s that’s what we do nine day I mean I don’t care until I you don’t retire from this professionally die. Really Mean like it’s in its you sacrifice a lot to be available to you. But it’s also cool to know the people in your community to drop the hat and some of you have personally experienced it. Know that I’m gonna be there. Like literally within 20 minutes almost weird how quickly I get there. And then Oh, I gotta got quick. I kind of needed a few more minutes. But it’s important, no bigger honor, and to be called to care for somebody that you love. But after you are having visitation, you’re going to go to the church because we’re all Catholics and we all have Catholic mass. It’s what we do. If you’re not counting, it’s fine. You can have it here. We’re pushing this casket if you know what this is called right now I swear to you not even sorry. If you know what this is called. Right? I’m not you Christine doesn’t know how you’re I’ll give you $100 Right the second if you know what, that’s all I don’t know cuz you’re gonna tell him you’re whispered somebody. It’s called a beer Vi er now what you drink beer? What’s this call? Not any alert. What’s it? What’s it? Pray do. Brady it’s crazy to be trading to be a rolls around this wall. You carry down a set of stairs you’re loaded into a hearse and you’re taken to the church and a procession right following me going and Paul days you don’t have your mass then you go to your center. So here we’re in charge. We’re gonna make sure everything is coordinated. Calculated never point by the way. Hospitality one on one Don’t ever do this. That’s ugly. Ingress. Openhand right, Christine. Hey, where’s the restroom? What they do they’re like, not really. But yes. See? That’s what we do say absolutely. We write this way please. And you start us with them that way. Obviously don’t go into the room with them. That’d be kind of weird. And outside away from hospitality at a hotel if you’ve ever been to a really nice hotel, it aligns with what we did. Sounds weird. Worlds are similar. or similar. Be genuine. Because it’s not rocket science. Take care. See season two episode 128 Raw visit from my alma mater. Hey, if you have tick tock, come find me. And Nathan Moore’s music. If you have Instagram, come find me at Nathan Morris at you’ll die trying podcast. I’ll tell you this. Be kind please rewind. That’s what blockbuster used to say. Instead of Rewind. Why don’t you just be kind the world needs it. I mean, if you don’t want to become they’re way more nice people in the world and they’re just gonna call you out. So just just be kind. Now this is great, I think you have an incredible opportunity where you are. And I’m seeing that now with the platform as it continues to grow. You know, I can, I can choose to go this route a or I can choose to go this route before I can just stop. I mean, it’d be easier to just stop but I choose the route of honesty and real and authentic because people long for it. They don’t necessarily even think that they do but they’re drawn to it and that’s why so many people have been drawn to that one video 1.7 million calls a lot of people that’s absurd. i It blows my mind. Be authentic, be real, be genuine, be kind. And I’ll see you at 129