Ep. 149 – The Unintentional Role

You’ll die trying contain sensitive subject matter and conversation surrounding death and dying and
may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is respectfully advised.
Hey there Nathan, just wanted to write you a little note to tell you that you are an amazing person. What you do for the families at the funeral home is wonderful.
I hope all is well take care.
I was a postcard.
It was sent to our Pio box and I love it and I would welcome
you to do the same should you feel led to Nathan Morris music Pio box 1160 Owensboro Owen, SB O
R O. Kentucky 42302.
My late grandfather Frank told me one day Nathan don’t let the art of a handwritten note and a letter
You see, we are so
used to text messaging Hey, great job. Hey, so good to see you writing an email. Hey, thanks for
dinner, I hope your family are well.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to open the mailbox because you still do that every day. And usually it’s bills
and taxes and stupid promotions for more credit cards at 39,000% interest per month. And instead of
all of that mess and junk that you throw in the trash can. And aside from the bills, you see a
handwritten letter and my ugly penmanship. And it says
a Trier
and just want you to know that life has not been the easiest these last six months and
I just am grateful that you’re meeting me where I am
not judging not criticizing without construction being involved. Again, because why would you criticize
someone if you don’t have any type of constructive?
Anything to offer?
Wouldn’t it be amazing signed me or you or steward Drew?
It would.
So I don’t let the handwritten letter die and I’m grateful to you Sammy, who sent this to me it was
such a surprise to see on my
on my desk this morning.
And not just that one there are others that are more personal, more personal, more
specific, and which I’ll honor those who wrote that but you are
on honored and appreciated Katie and family and I thank you for that. And this is ladies and
gentlemen, season two episode 149 fueled by trying a show which pulls back the curtains and takes
down the walls brick by brick and exposes the heart of those who are caring for those who love most

and this episode is singular because it’s my heart because I talked about my granddad not wanting
the art of a handwritten note to die and he died in 2013. And
my grandmother
is making her way her final journey.
His wife has better half his Annie Bell.
the matriarch of the family, the woman who is behind the tulip.
The whole reason that tulip became what it is.
She is dying.
She is under the care of hospice.
And again,
soon I will be on the other side of the table.
Coffee who loves coffee? I love coffee.
I love it so much big special big turkeyfoot thing
Thanks to big turkeyfoot coffee, our friends and roasters of the delicious brown brew that we drink
each and every day. Our friend Brett, the producer of the episode of the podcast this episode and
every episode like I’m clapping is in town and he says Where can we buy a gallon of it? I don’t think
you really measure coffee grounds and gallons but you can definitely head over to Nathan Morris grab you some swag right this second, there’s some amazing T shirts. If they’re still
available, they are still available because they don’t run out especially thanks to prettify. But
nonetheless, we just are coming off of a show. incredible show. I can’t wait to show you the show.

Yeah, Nathan Morris Grab some swag right this second like the words matter t because
words, they matter. And it’s cool to watch Brent get off of a plane and he’s wearing a shirt that says
words matter Nathan Morris and like what an idiot, he’s not an idiot, because we’re these words do
matter. And he’s just supporting his friend. Right? That’s awesome. And also a special thanks to eff
Express funeral funding our friends working tirelessly on the back end, with insurance companies
making sure that insurance policies are assigned and proceeds are paid out to cover the funeral
balance and expense on the front end. And most important in our funeral directors can do what we do
best to gather and create a meaningful celebration along those in which we’re serving because
they’re deserving of such and you don’t have that looming balance do and they have this special
family Pay option. It’s a really cool and special thing head over to express funeral right
now to learn more about how they can bless your funeral homes, families, Morris family utilizes them
at all of our locations, it is a very real, and I’m very passionate about eff I’m grateful for them,
especially with where the economy is right now. Head over to express funeral right now
and learn how they can serve you as we serve them. I’m serious, that being on this side of the table,
the side of the table, that’s the one I’m not used to. And
the side of a table for a funeral director is at the head of the table. Because when we are in charge,
and we are making decisions, not because we have to make a decision, but
we’re used to leading and we’re used to being that solace and comfort and guide for those who are
bereaved and lost in a sense, where do I go next? What do we do next? What’s the next decision that
has to be made? And we’re kind of holding hands, it’s important to do that. That’s what a funeral
director does is they direct and when you’re on that side of the table, it’s really easy, because that’s
what your job is, and you do it well, you do it effectively. And you do it intentionally. But the other
side of the table, the one that the family is on, that’s the side that a funeral director tends to fumble.
And I fumbled in May, and I’m preparing myself to fumble again. Whenever again is Frank’s
Annabelle, my grandfather’s wife, and my grandmother is making her way she is dying at a rate. I’m
not aware. However, I’m aware of it happening and I am the the family member that speaks up and
says the facts and does not beat around the bush. Maybe we do this or maybe what if we try this or
maybe grandma needs to eat more crackers. Know, for those of you who have had loved ones under
the care of hospice incredible women and men who work very hard to provide comfort in the last days
does hospice kill people? No, no, it’s the dumbest thing ever. When you are going under hospice care,
you are already beginning the stages of dying. Dying is what we will all do. Hospice does not kill
hospice allows a loved one, the opportunity for peace and comfort and their bodies to accept it.
Because fight or flight is real. And if medication is administered so that your body relaxes if you’re 93
years old, and your organs are failing, but your brain is sharp is attack What is your brain doing
sending sensors and overloading organs? Let’s do this, buddy. Let’s keep it going. Well, when
medicine is administered so that you’re just relaxed and comfortable, so you can take a nap or sleep.
This idea of having to fight having to fight isn’t such a good one anymore. It’s not necessary. I may
not have even explained that. Well, maybe you still think that hospice kills. It’s not
Here’s what I think. I think it allows you to be comfortable. I don’t want to be in pain. And last night,
after 10 o’clock I was sent a text message about my mother who goes to bed at eight because she’s
always gone to bed super early. I didn’t get that gene from her and she’s telling me that grandmother
who’s at the hospice house, where I live is adamant to speak to me, combative, and unruly. Now, my

sweet grandmother, I will tell you, is the kindest human I’ve ever known. Ever. Who doesn’t say little
things have anyone who raised eight successful children who remembers the birthdays ages and
names of every grandchild and great grandchild and that is over 39 I don’t even know the number.
Big Catholic family birthday card April 5, you better believe it’ll be in my mailbox. How Does Grandma
know she doesn’t have a calendar on her phone. Grandma knows because her brain sharp. She is
very impressive and a holy woman and she is combative. And needing to speak to me, not her eldest
son or not my mother who’s been her caregiver for more years than I can recall. She wants to speak
to me. So at 1037 at night, I walked down the dark hall of the hospice house and greeted by the
lovely ladies, the nurses at the nurse’s station and I go to what I think is her room Well, no, I hear a
faint voice. It says Nathan we’re over here. It’s across the hall catty corner and I have no idea of why
did they change the room I was just there. Well, grandmother was adamant about it. Not only that
she was yelling and making sure that everyone knew that she wasn’t doing anything until she spoke
to Nathan her grandson. Well, I get there and grandmother is not even 100 pounds. She’s not even
five foot tall. Never has she been she is always been this tiny little sweet thing, which is ironic
because all of her family are six foot and above. Huge, me we’re all very tall. I lie in bed with her and I
lay my head on her feeble shoulder and she says Nathan, they want me to take medicine and I don’t
want to take medicine. And I grew up I will have you know never wanting to take medicine. I never
took anything. My mother was the same way. Obviously that’s who she learned it from his grandma,
you are very strong, your body is strong, you eat right, you drink, right, you exercise and your body
will, your body will take care of itself, which is which is absolutely true. And in this instance, however,
someone who was dying and in pain and has stomach cancer, I had to show her the fact that God has
blessed humans with knowledge to create and administer drugs that really counteract the pain and
subdue it and help one relax, when otherwise they couldn’t sell for weeks after a stage four stomach
cancer diagnosis grandmother has not been taking medicine. She’s tired, she’s restless and
uncomfortable, who wouldn’t be, but she’s offered grace. And just beauty as she battles and I guess
dances with this. And we live there last night and she said you only take medicine, if it helps you or
cures you.
I say grandmother, you have stomach cancer and you will not be cured. And she says I know Nathan,
and I said,
but you’re exhausted and restless. And this medicine will help you sleep and just like you said, if it
helps you then you would take it. And because this will help you. I need you to take the medicine so
you can relax. And so I can sleep. And she says okay, now two hours prior, you have the hospice
nurse, you have a hospice social worker, you have another hospice nurse, you have the eldest son
who Uncle David, by the way is like the hero always usually. I mean this guy can literally do anything
he can rewire house, he can fix anything. He’s always taking care of grandmother it’s what he does.
He takes care of everybody in the family he’s the go to my mother who’s there who’s always been the
caregiver to grandmother who’s always helping and doing totally capable, right though they’re trying
to reason with her but grandmother looks off and says well because Nathan said everything is okay. I
will do it. This people sweet little old lady didn’t want to listen to her eldest son or her caregiver of a
daughter wanted to listen to her grandson and as I walked over, because no one else could touch the
tiny baby aspirin size medication. I grabbed the two pills and placed them in her hand without any
hesitation and she took them
And she said, as your grandfather was dying, he did not trust anyone. But you. And I am the same
way. So I will do what you ask because I know it will help me and you would never hurt me. And if you

way. So I will do what you ask because I know it will help me and you would never hurt me. And if you
could, can you please go with the nurse Anna, and check all my other medications. And if you
approve of them, I will take them. And I said, Absolutely. And then to lighten the moment, I said, Now
grandmother, I’m tired, and I want to go home and take a nap overnight. And I don’t want to be called
and rush over here and find you lying on the floor because you aren’t listening to me. She laughed
and said, Nathan, I promise I won’t get up. And so I walked out with Anna, the nurse, she pulls her
mask down, her face is so red because for two hours, they had been fighting with my 93 year old, not
even 95 pounds soaking wet grandmother who refused to take her medicine until her grandson
Nathan Morris came to say that it was okay to take. And I don’t know where I got that responsibility
placed upon me. I don’t know how I inherited it. I don’t know how I became the go to, especially when
I have an incredible mother and incredible uncle who were totally capable as well as six other aunts
and uncles who are the children of grandma. But I take it very serious. And knowing that that’s where
we are on this part of the journey as we ventured toward the other side of the table, the side that you
can’t be the family and the funeral director. And so that selfishly scares me because you have to
choose one. And I just pray for the grace to be able to choose the right one as we prepare to trek
these waters and to create a meaningful celebration, all of which mimics Of course, Grandad Franks
to a tee.
Apparently growing up, you imprint yourself on people and everything that you do as a young person
as an adult, where you are in this walk is remembered, and you will be remembered for something
and obviously my grandmother remembers me as a caregiver which I would have never thought
because I don’t feel called and led to go to Haiti. It’s not because I’m a terrible human. I just don’t feel
in my heart that I’ve had what we would call a servant’s heart for those in church, but apparently,
those who are nearing death, feel safe with me.
And I will forever continue to earn that to be continued for sure.
Until then,
head over to
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Nathan Morris music and special thanks to the many many of you leaving a review take a moment
right this second wherever it is you get your podcast content can be a five star review. five star rating
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Find what you love. Be nerdy about it. Write a handwritten note. That’s your homework. It’s been your
homework before and
you should do it again. Because I’m sitting here sifting through them right this second. I appreciate you. I’m going to go kick my feet up and have a moment.

Until next time.