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Ep. 156 – My Death Bed

You’ll die trying contain sensitive subject matter and conversation surrounding death and dying and may not be suitable for all audiences listener discretion is respectfully advised.

I really do wonder I really do. Hey, it’s me. It’s you. It’s season two episode 156 fueled by trying this is the show which pulls back the curtain takes down the walls brick by brick and exposes the true hearts of those who are caring for those you love most and if you head over to you’ll die trying.com A blood yourself saying that right? The second record yourself on a voice memo. There’s a script right there. You can’t really mess up take all the time you need. Send us a nice little mp3 and we’re gonna give you a shout out we want you to say that the script we want to hear you we want to meet you where you are because we appreciate you joining us each and every single week as we talk about the MCC, the MCC and I’m staring at my cloud in this brand new studio and grateful for all of you who have met me and Nathan Morris music on Tik Tok anything more on Instagram at Morris online on YouTube and got some swag I am still waiting. I’m flying to Maryland soon for the National Funeral Director Association convention. I want so bad when I get to Nashville when I land in Maryland. I would love to see somebody with their air pods and listening to some make the Morris music like yet or the podcast you’ll that trying wearing a Nathan Morris t that would be a culmination of everything I want. Head over to Nathan Morris music.com Grab your tea and maybe just maybe I can You can help me live that dream out that would be amazing. Each and every episode brought to you by our friends over at BTF coffee big turkeyfoot coffee the men and women behind the delicious brown brew roasters friends thank you very much for their delicious contributions, grab your bag, and DFF expressed funeral funding working tirelessly on the back end. So on the front end, the most important and it’s funeral directors we can do what we do best. Create a meaningful celebration with the families that we can gather remember, grieve, celebrate a loved one so deserving. There’s no balance do hanging over the head because on the back end, EFF is working with the insurance companies making sure that the assignment assigned to the funeral to cover that balance do head to express funeral funding.com To learn how they express can assist you like they assist us at Morris family on my deathbed, am I going to care? Am I going to care about all of the accolades and things and the legacy that will survive me that will precede me that will carry on long after my lungs are able are my kids? Do they see this work ethic? Do they see all the good I’m attempting to do and the sacrifice that I make so I’m not throwing as many footballs or baseballs or going on as many walks or running around the loop of the driveway as much. I mean, I can’t help my passion if you’re stifling your passion if it’s stifled for you you’re not really living you’re not being your true self if you give something up because you feel you must you are not being your true self. I used to I used to hate myself not like as a whole as a person like hate you Nathan I don’t hate me so much as i I wish I could sit still I wish I could be content for a day I wish I could be okay with how things are currently. And yet, and yet I’m never satisfied. Not satisfied in the sense of gratitude. I’m very grateful and appreciative of the things I have and if earned and have worked toward and for you get to a point where you have to continue you have to maintain you have to you have to find the next deal or find the next opportunity or create the new next podcast or write the next song or record something that’s a demo. Even if it sucks, you do it because you have to. I mean, you must, it’s like breathing. You have to breathe in hard to get that breath to keep life in you. For so long everyone, since I was a little boy has not understood. They have not understood me or this, this need this desire the the boredom of sitting still, it’s not slighting you it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible teacher, it

doesn’t mean that you are a terrible friend. It doesn’t mean I’m not having fun. Yes, I’m present I am. But I need to be doing something. Have to put something together a puzzle, a Lego something I have to. If I’m not, I’m not living, and I can’t help how I am. That is me. And that may be you as well. Perhaps you’re really laid back. Like Haley. She’s so laid back. And it could be to some confused with being. But she’s not. She’s happy. She’s happy and present. And her way of being President is to just be chill. And that’s amazing. And I’ve always been drawn to those people. I mean, Dear to those people. I love those people. Probably why I surround myself with so many like that, Kayla, and Bryn I mean people who are just so relaxed. Now throwing Selena, girl pop. No, I need to talk about it. Because it’s on my heart. And I don’t want to be lied to and think that Oh, you’ll regret it on your deathbed. I mean, will I will I regret the hard work, the effort, the grit, the heart put behind everything that I’ve done. At the cost of yes times sometimes. But what’s the alternative? being stagnant and still and not fulfilled. And offer sacrificing I’ve sacrificed a lot in my life and I probably more than people will know or I’m willing to share right this second. And I think that there is victory and sacrificing and, and pain. Honestly, I do think that then suffering there is beauty. And there is victory in that. I think suffering brings us closer to God. Because who else do we draw to? I mean, you can complain about having a headache for only so long or your arm hurting for so long. But it’s in the quiet and suffering that we turn to someone or something bigger than ourselves or our neighbor. There’s beauty in that. I can’t sit still. Perhaps it’s because of all of the people who said I would not amount to anything. I remember you miss ball in fifth grade. And I remember you miss Borys in sixth grade. And I remember you Mr. Flores and middle school. I mean, I can literally keep going. It’s absurd. The number of people who just couldn’t understand me who wrote me off. In high school, I had administration literally for the assistant principal or vice principal, whatever the principal, the guidance counselor, there was a letter sent to my home with all of their signatures and a meeting was called because I’m different. And I remember the good. I remember those who invested in and realized and recognized my uniqueness. And instead of because they didn’t understand it, they pinned it as oh you are uncontrollable or you are sick, or you are literally I was told I was LD learning disability. That’s what they called in when I remember being a kid they’re like huge LD, they would test me and anyway, I’m not I’m furthest from that I was born and I needed challenge and those teachers at the time. Instead of challenging, they simply suppressed and blamed a child. So my entire life this is what I experienced. But I remember I know and I recall and I’m forever grateful to those of you who invested in me and legitimately legitimately believed in me. This luck it miss Orth. Miss Fleming. Miss Robertson, Miss Haynes, Miss Payne and Miss Karen, my kindergarten teacher. She thought I was something else. You’re so kind to me. I’ll never forget Miss Waldeck she came into the funeral home one day and she said oh wow you you did make some Think of yourself and she was being serious. And I said, Yes, ma’am. No thanks to you, who are you here to see? And she looked at me in such disbelief, how dare you almost as if I’m still a child under her. You know, under her spell, if you will. We got across the street at the Cathedral right before the mass started. And she grabbed my arm. And she said, You know, I was just kidding. And I said,

I wasn’t. It was the first time I was able to really stand up, you know, stand up for myself and all those years of going being sent arbitrarily to her office and her telling me how terrible literally, I went this private school and I will be told how terrible of a student I was, I’m in fifth and sixth grade, that’s, that’s demoralizing for a child, there must be something wrong with me. So that’s come over into adulthood, even as a 37 year old man, it’s like, oh, I have to be creating all the time. So I must, I must be sick, but something. But I’m not it’s my contribution to this life. If I’m not doing that than I am forfeiting my talents, and I am. I think I’m doing a disservice to the world. I hope that my kids see my work ethic and my love of others, and my obsession with kindness and culture and all the other things that I obsess about, as something good. And also offer a little grace, when I’m not so much that with them, because I’ve given it all I have, you know, you can give and giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, you’re so exhausted and you get home, and it’s the last thing you want to do. But more times than not I have shown up and I have to be I have to be gentle with myself. And I have to be kind to myself, because I have I’ve shown up, showed up I’ve done the ball, but I didn’t want to fund the football and I didn’t want to I’m kinda when I don’t want to be especially when they’re being jerks the kids but you know, I kind of remember, my kids are just like I was and people didn’t invest in me when they should have and there are ripple effects still at 37. And so I must be kind to myself. I don’t think the pioneers of this world, the Vanderbilts. And the Elon Musk’s. I mean, there had to be someone, there had to be somebody to do something. And who’s going to do it, it’s not easy to do. It’s filled with ridicule, it’s filled with people saying your hair’s too tall, or you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Or you’re an idiot or I hate that guy. Or you’re never going to amount to anything over and over and over or I don’t support that I’ll never support that. That won’t work. That won’t work. That won’t work. If I got $1 for every time someone said that won’t work, I would have a lot of dollars. And I’m where I am because I didn’t listen to a damn word they said, and I won’t. I refuse. I refuse. I think my team know that. I mean, I’m all about constructive criticism. I love it. I think if you can find a way to do it better. Please tell me help me. Let’s work together as a team. But if you simply want to criticize falls on deaf ears, the there’s nothing, I will listen. I will listen no more to you. Ridicule is nothing but gross disgust. I’ve been on that end. I mean, I’ve really have as a child, and it’s disgusting. It gets anyone. It gets us nowhere. That leaves us broken and hurt. And I’ll be damned if I hurt others. So I will spend my life and obsess over you and caring for you and providing for you and creating for you and leading and coaching and hoping and encouraging you because you are who I think about and I hope my kids see that because I love them so damn much too. While my deathbed when I’m lying, and My breaths are getting more shallow. I don’t want to have lived a life a version of a life I should be living. I don’t want that. I want my kids surrounding me and holding me and holding my hands and saying damn here good dad. Damn you created to him. You worked hard to him. Your example is incredible. You love people the best you knew how and you are your true and authentic self. And until I breathe my last breath. Ladies and gentlemen, my friends. I will continue to push and push and push because I believe that everyone is worthy of incredible love and care and experiences. And they all matter and intentionality. And I hope my kids see that. And I hope when the last breath either stays in my lungs or escapes. As I meet my maker they say well done.

good and faithful servant. Be sure to follow me at Nathan Morris music on tick tock,

Nathan Morris on Insta, Nathan Morse online, on YouTube. Live a life of meaning really, there’s this thing in your heart. It’s like this need. It’s real. It’s not just something fabricated. It’s something you can’t help that you feel and you have, it’s something you should push for and push for and strive for and never ever stop and do not let ever a negative word, a negative word. affect you and stop you. Criticism is negativity. Constructive criticism is a tool to be used to be listened to, to push and push, push, never stop pushing. You are loved far more than you could ever know. And please help me one day fulfill the fact that I would love to walk through an airport and see you wearing a t shirt and listening to my music, mixed martial music.com. And when you’re on your deathbed I hope you’ve lived a life at that point in which you can be proud of