Ep 21 – Eat Grits, Be Grits

This is episode 21 of you’ll die trying. We are illegal. We’re able to buy alcoholic beverages the same podcast is allowed to. What else can you do at 21? I think everything else is at 1818. Yeah, he’s Bassett. Could you buy cigarettes? I don’t know. I think it’s 18 I don’t I don’t know. I don’t smoke. This lady grabbed a piece of candy. I swear from this jar that I walked by, and she put it in her mouth and then she went to the trashcan and spit it out. And it tasted like cigarettes and the lady that filled the jar up was a crazy smoker. She’s like, I’m so sorry. So she apparently she had the Hershey Kisses just like chilling. Next carton of Marlboro lights. It’s important to know when going to potlucks and other types of shared meal events that you know what comes from hos house and make your decisions carefully. You I don’t have anything to say.

Dr. Ma.

Henry Ford once said whether you think you can or not. You’re right. I love that. An incredible Yes. It’s amazing. Someone asked me today actually, if I was thought if I was ever thought to be too much by people. Do people think you’re too much? Right? The answer was absolutely yes. Same here. And I don’t care. No, I don’t think that’s on us, actually. Oh, it’s on them. They’re not. They’re not happy? Maybe Maybe they are? I don’t know. I think I’m too much. Do you think personally that you’re too much? Or you think that you are too much to some people? Yes. Got it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being too much.

I hate the phrase TMI. Is that a phrase? Or is that just an abbreviation? You right,

girl? It’s an abbreviation of a phrase to too much. And in my it’s in my practice, even people like well, this might be TMI, but I had an affair. I’m like, that’s kind of important. Yeah, that’s, there’s no such thing as too much information in this room. Yeah. So let’s have a TMI episode, where we say way too much. Totally fine with that. And we become way too much for people. And we get all these comments saying, You guys are just too much. I don’t mind it. I just wanted to preface it. I don’t care what you think about me is none of my business. And that’s okay. Exactly. Yep. What do you think of Henry Ford’s quotation? I like it a lot. Whether you think you can or not. You’re right. I think you speak things into existence. I think you thank you thank you become what you think becomes words, words become actions, the end. We are what we think, yep. We end up where we train our focus. I wholeheartedly agree. Who taught you how to ride a bike? Wait, let me not make assumptions. That’s one of the Four Agreements make no assumptions. Can you ride a bike? Yes. Who taught you how to ride a bike? My dad? Did he have any words of wisdom about how to keep your balance? Keep pedaling. Just keep keep pedaling. And I didn’t understand it. But it’s so important. Especially interns. You just keep pedaling. You got a pedal down. My dad told me wherever you’re looking, is where you’re going to go. kind of goes back to you talking about shooting clay pigeons. Exactly. I remember whether you think you can or not. You’re right. Wherever you look is where you go. It’s awesome. So you are someone and I think I’m someone and I think we are married to people who are persistent. I love the word persistent. What’s your favorite word? Super fat. Are you ever heard of Gandhi? Reference? previous episode? Yes. What’s your favorite word? I just thought of a wonderful word the other day. I was like, That’s it. That’s my favorite word. What is it? You can’t remember it. goober. Bear? That’s not a real word. I made it up. Now it’s a word. Yeah. Do you think a word becomes a word when it shows up in Merriam Webster’s dictionary or the urban dictionary or just when someone uses it when some? Oh no. I think whatever becomes a Webster’s dictionary word.

So it has to be sanctioned. Yeah, what was the word that I like the word Sycamore? Why it’s beautiful. Sycamore. Ah, hear that? Anything you wish for sounds really cool. like diabetes. Wow. Now that’s my new favorite word. I do like the word diabetes. I like the word injection.

Injection. That’s great. Well, anyway, speaking of words, you’re like, I like the word persistent. Yeah, perseverance. You even though people say perseverance? Clearly? Yeah. I like persistence. I like perseverance. But I don’t just like the words. I like what they stand for. So you’re from Kentucky, would you consider yourself a southerner? Yes, I guess cuz Kentucky is kind of neutral. It’s like the Switzerland of the American Civil issues.

It’s a Midwest like how is this Midwest? It’s never definitely not Midwest. Why do all my friends in North Carolina say you live in the Midwest?

I think it’s because we’re not near a beach. Anything not near beach? Is the Midwest. Even if it’s not in America, like where are you? I’m from Midwest Italy. I I don’t think that Kentucky is is a southern state. I think the Mason Dixon Line was between Maryland and Virginia. And this is up for debate. So everyone, everything there yet everything that Dr. Carroll is saying he is not a geography teacher. No, I have no idea where anything is. Oh, by the way, great story about that. Upcoming keep your cross your fingers to remind me to tell you that I’m a Virginian. And Virginia was the first of the colonies right? 1603 round about and it became Of course, one of the first states and it’s as a result of passport virtually anywhere else in the nation. It’s the state of the presidents. It’s the Old Dominion, and it’s the Kings gift. So anyway, Virginia holds a special place in my heart. Well, I had the opportunity and privilege. You can uncross your fingers because here comes of traveling back to Virginia with joy, and our for our for girls, for Thanksgiving. And we went to my wife’s sister’s, and her husband’s home in Arlington, Virginia, where they have two sons, one of whom is in college, my wife’s family, parents, as well as her older, oldest sister. We were all there. 13 of us. Thankfully, they were house sitting another house. So there are two houses for all 13 of us, which was great. But anyway, it’s a really lovely time. Anytime I get to go back to Virginia, it’s pretty fantastic. And when any Virginian is driving back toward Virginia, the national guard comes out and they all stand in salute to a Virginian coming home. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, it’s not true. But that’s what I imagined happening. As I drove back in my home state, we had the privilege of taking the girls, some of whom it was the first time to see these the monuments Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln. Unbelievable. And we got to be there both in the late evening and in the early evening. So it was both light and dark. And we watched the moon rise behind the Washington Monument took some great pictures. It was great. Vietnam, conflict, Memorial Wall, Korean War Memorial. These are unbelievable commemorations to persistence and perseverance. But there was one that got me joy knew it would get me. We saved it for last. We saw it at dark. And it was the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. Have you seen it? No, I have not. Well, you walk in, in a cleft in a mountain, it looks like a mountain has been split. And the part that’s missing has been shoved forward. And as you walk through, you see the big piece that’s missing. And on the side of it, it says out of a mountain of despair, a stone of hope. Whoo, I have chills right now telling you about this. And it was dark. There very few people there, three, four, Max. And I walked around. We all walked around the front of that piece that had been shoved forward and etched out of that mountain of despair was the stone of hope himself. With a manuscript in his left hand his arms crossed, looking out over the Potomac toward the Jefferson Memorial, Martin Luther King. I mean it. Of course, you cried. Of course I did. It was beautiful, beautiful. It’s awesome. Talk about perseverance and persistence. And that man embodies it. So it inspired me I wanted to talk to you about grit. Let’s do it. So I brought up the South because I love grits. Yeah. Oh sure. Grits is good. never eaten any. I’m scared of it. I’m scared of the texture. Isn’t that weird? So we went to summer camp every year since 1999. This is a true story until 2006 and they always had grits and breakfast and I wouldn’t touch them and I always want to do it and I never did. Never have no I’ve never eaten grits. If I made you. I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m literally I’m a texture eater and you’re having a very hard time you shouldn’t need instructors or whatever textures and other other textures Yes, but I can’t think I was actually trying to think of yoga I’ve never I’ve never know cardboard No, I don’t know. What’s the stuff that you get at Thanksgiving Oh, this is preparing cranberry sauce. Crates cranberry. What is oh no, no, you’re talking about jellied cranberry sauce out of a can I don’t sliced into eigene disc. I like it. That stuff is amazing. I like it. It’s like 44 grams of sugar doesn’t like it doesn’t look good. It scares me. I spread it on everything. Of course you do. I love it. So if you did make grit, grits is good. I would maybe

try. Oh, okay. Well, here’s the thing. It can be buttery, salty grits. It could be cheesy grits. You didn’t have garlic, migrant guy, but I would give you do you like cheese? Yes, I would give you the cheesy grits first, and then the buttery, salty ones. I promise. They will be delicious. It’s our podcast about grit. It’s just grit just okay, sorry. What do you think about perseverance? Persistence, commitment, passion. I think it may I think it makes a man and or woman out of you. Being that I don’t know. I just there have been many times in life where you want to quit. I’ve wanted to quit. I’ll never forget, when I did not make the eighth grade basketball team, I was really mad and defeated. Like, I was gonna quit basketball altogether. But there was the intramural intramural in terms in, go ahead. Intra mural, thank you league. And I played for the Celtics. And we went undefeated and won the championship. And it was really fun and actually became a better basketball player. Because of it. Maybe a silly example. However, I’ll never forget. Leaving that season and thinking I’m glad I did not quit. And, you know, it made me better made the team better all the above. And I think there’s something to be said insert scenario in life. For us men and women. Not quitting makes us better people. Yeah, and I think better people never quit. Yeah. Do you ever watch those videos on social media that are put out by a group called people are amazing. And their videos of people doing like, on imaginable things mostly in the field of sport? It could be parkour. Have you ever seen parkour? No. What is that? Look it up? How do you spell that? Pa? RK? Oh, you are? I don’t know how I would I don’t know if it’s, if this is an accurate description, but it’s people who can leap from object to object far distances building to building, take a tumble, get up and do it again. It’s an unbelievable like art form of movement. I mean, it was developed in France, which is why it’s spelled with an O U. Okay. It’s a dip thong. Well, that sounds cool and smart and stuff. So but there are other things like bottle flipping, people who will bounce on those big, like yoga balls, and they’ll do it and they’ll do a quadruple flip and land on their heads and people who a mountain bike down the steepest Cliff imaginable. And it’s just, it’s just a celebration of human achievement and ability. And I watch them all the time. It’s one of the things I like to watch before I go to bed. I just look up people are amazing. Or people are awesome, as people are amazing. And I get chills watching these people know I don’t cry, but I do get chills. Okay, love it. Because I think people are amazing. One of the things I think that makes people amazing is resilience, the human capacity to rise up, despite how many times you fell on your bike doing that trick, or other trick shots or other tricks with your, your sport, you got up and you tried it again. And at some point, you got it and you got it on film, and you shared it with the world. And that’s part of what makes people amazing. So what is it that brings people from sitting on the couch to running their 5k? What is it that makes a teenager who has zero ambition, decide that they want to start their own company? How does a middle aged salesman jump both feet into the pool of a new career? With everything at risk? I think the answer is grit. Okay. Grit. Yeah. Power and passion of perseverance. The better because I was put it diabetes. Does it help you? If I say you’re gonna take a test? No, that makes it a lot easier. Okay. She says that grit is the secret ingredient to differentiating between those who do and those who don’t. Those who will and those who won’t. So she has created what she calls a grit scale. And she has a test to help you understand where you fall on the grid scale. So I’m going to administer this test to you. I need your informed consent that I can admit, oh, wow, that’s okay. Yes. Do you really know Oh, this is available to anyone who wants to do it. It’s online at Angela Duckworth calm. And by the way, Dr. Duckworth, we would love to hear from you and talk to you on our podcast, because you know so much more about grit than we ever will. And her grit scale is made up of 10 questions. There are no right or wrong answers. Is your anxiety better? A little bit? You said no, right or wrong? Yes. Okay. This is something that will make you really anxious. You just have to answer honestly, that doesn’t make me anxious. So you’re a truth teller? Yes. All right. That was not number one. Here’s number one. The answers are going to be answered. Wait, the questions will be answered in one of five ways. These five ways are consistent throughout all 10 questions, so you don’t have to learn a new

video not tell me that we’re doing this course. I just discovered it right now. ticklish? Number one, the answer would be this is very much like me. Or mostly like me, you’ll hear these again. Okay, good. Somewhat like me? Not much like me? Not like me at all. So it’s a scale of one to five. Okay, very much like me, mostly like me, somewhat like me? Not much like me? Not at all like me. Alright. Okay. Number one. New ideas and projects sometimes distract me from previous ones. Very much like me, mostly like me, somewhat like me? Not much not like me at all somewhat. Like me. completely honest. New, new ideas and projects. Yep. Sometimes distract me from prisons, they do sometimes distract me. So is that very much like you mostly like you are so they do distract me so very much. Like they do distract me? Yes. The word some Gotcha. Okay. Number two, setbacks. Don’t discourage me. I do not give up easily. I do not give up easily very much like, I do not give up beat. Number three, I often set a goal, but I later choose to pursue a different one. That’s not like me at all. I am a hard worker. My that is exactly like me. I have difficulty maintaining my focus on projects that take more than a few months to compete complete. I would go with someone like me. So I would have said yep, I finished whatever I begin. Yes. Very much. My interest change from year to year. Hmm, yeah. So while you’re starting an insurance company now? Yeah, yep. Okay, that was a joke. So very much like me. That your change? Yeah. Or mostly? Well, it’s still in the realm, right. I mean, my interests within the realm. So yeah, I am diligent. I never give up. Never. I have been obsessed with a certain idea or project for a short time, but later lost interest. Hmm. I don’t lose interest in things I’m obsessed with. At all. So not like me. i Yeah, I’m gonna say that number 10. I have overcome setbacks to conquer and important challenge. Yes. 100%. You want your score? Yep. Your grit score? Is 3.9 out of five. You scored higher than about 60% of American adults in a recent study. Wow. So you’re in above the 60th percentile. Awesome. That’s pretty cool. Yeah, that’s neat. So grit, according to Dr. Duckworth. That’s fun to say. Grit, according to Dr. Duckworth, duck, like the duck duck in your house. Doctor duct work. We need to make a trip to Lowe’s. No, I don’t know that everyone knows that the things through which your air conditioning and heat travel are called ducks. Yeah, it’s not Duck Tape. It’s duct tape. Because it’s sorry, but it’s still funny because I was literally you know what I was talking it’s do you think Dr. Duckworth is male or female? It’s a male, female female. Angela Duckworth. said Angela, why are you I thought I just wondered if I No, no, no, no, I’m backing up. And I’m not No, I’m not gonna go there. I’m gonna sound fraudulent. Like I’m making an excuse. You said Dr. Angela, already at the very beginning when you’re explaining this right. And you said you’d love to interview her and then I thought we were saying Dr. Duckworth now said yes. And I was like, oh, grit. She says grit Trump’s talent every time. Wow, what do you think about that like that? That’s exciting for all the people that feel like Oh, I’m not talented enough or whatever. But you just have this drive. You have this? This eagerness this excitement this just an ending passion. I don’t know. I feel like it’s a lightning bolt inside of you. And I do that I’m super excited because Don’t you think that talent? It is what it is? Yes. And I think it comes as it comes. Now I think obviously it can be improved upon, clearly with practice and training and coaching, etc. But grit, while not given, I think talent is given. Grit can be learned. While talent is a gift, I think grit can be developed and strengthened with intentionality and with practice and with patience. I like that. So are you someone who finishes what He starts? Always? Are you someone who sees a goal and sees it through to the end? Always you are grit, good friend.

Awesome. What would you say to other people with grit? As a as a business person? How would you encourage other grit? People I think people with grit can get disciplined, not disappointed, but sidetracked with the discouraging things, people. And there are, it goes back to a previous podcast where you said to me that expect like your expectations of people, when you have no expectations of people, it kind of can frees you, it frees me and others with grit, and it helps me continue to be gritty. Yeah, you know, allows you to to focus your energy on your own passion, and your own persistence, and your own commitments. When you when you focus on someone else, you know, like we talked about before, I think energy can be thought of like money. Mm hmm. And there’s only so much of it. So if I’m spending it on someone else’s achievements, ambition or accomplishment, I’m no longer have that much resource for myself. I think a lot of people don’t want us to have grit. Think it scares a lot of people. Would you agree with that? I do. I think people who have grit are people who other people say maybe too much. And told that all the time, passion and perseverance and commitment is what differentiates those who could have, but don’t from those who know they can and do. Yeah. So what do you say to the people who might not have grit because we know it can be learned? What is an encouragement that you have for people who don’t have grit? Because I think it’s up to us. No excuses. We have the power to rise up. I think that right there you saying no excuses. No excuses. I mean, if you want to be if you want to be better than be better, and if you fall on your butt, then get back up and keep attempting to be better. Keep keep attempting to be better. I think of it like I picturing chopping wood. Like whenever I take those first swings at the axe, like I miss horribly, and it’s ridiculous. Like you splinter and you’re like shoots it off. Remember when went to Drew’s burger cookout or whenever I was trying to chop wood? It was right before you got there. It was ridiculous. But I kept going and then I did the perfect split. Yeah, I kept going. Even when everybody Joel and Andrew and everyone is laughing at me. Sure, just fine. They were just doing it in jest. But I mean, it from a light hearted perspective, I think it applies to something more realistic in real life. That perfect split was like yes, yeah, I kept going. I did it two more times. Yeah. The learning curve. you calibrate it? Yeah. So keep going is crucial. Never give up? Nope. Make the Leap. Stay the course. Go all the way to the end. finish what you started. Dream your dream. You know, the Avett Brothers. I’m not a fan because not not not a not fan. I just don’t know much about the rising. But there was a song that I’ve heard it was popular at one point. And there was a line in there that said, Baby basically decide who you want to be and go be. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used that line. Always crediting whoever wrote that song. Because it’s such a powerful symbol to me of someone using their own grit. decide who you want to be and go be it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t give up. Don’t talk about all the reasons why you can’t do it. Don’t talk about the things that people didn’t give you. You know, you can look at a blank piece of paper and they’re all the things that you’re entitled to right. decide who you want to be and go be it what’s stopping you make a difference. And I believe that it doesn’t matter what you decide to do whether someone builds a monument in your name, or whether you just make somebody smile at you know, check out number eight at your local grocery. You make a difference and there is no difference too small. I like making a difference. I like going through you know a fast food chain drive thru. like McDonald’s the other day I took the boys Megan was at a shop small, the shop small event and I took the boys through McDonald’s and this lady was so pleasant on the phone or on the phone on the intercom and I was so pleasant back because that was nice. Nice. Nice breeze. Nice. Yeah. And she loved it. And I feel like I made her she made my day. There you go. She made my day. Yeah, I think we ended up Getting back what we give? Yeah, I agree. So let’s be let’s be gritty or let’s be gritty are versions of ourselves. I’m for it. People. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this 21st episode. Make your dream decide do you want to be go be don’t quit stay the course. No excuses. Make the Leap. Be persistent. Be gritty or without trying