Ep 24 – Do I Move Forward

Your phone was ringing. Not now it was

are you recording? Yeah, that was one of our our directors call.

Sorry, whoever whichever one you are. He’s

busy. Yeah, he’s managed to be a text. Okay. In between good conversations.

Welcome to this episode of you’ll die trying

drive is it a good day for you today?

Yep. Good day. Bellies filled with coffee. I’m excited.

I’m still drinking mine.

It’s probably freezing cold.

No, no, it’s warm. It’s warm. This is an excellent mug that I’m holding in my in my hand it’s it’s tan in color almost a tope with a dark color rim. How do you spell tope? Ready go up. That’d be funny. If you said to PE dummy. Yeah, I am. I mean, it’s just it’s gonna come out one sooner or later.

Hey, read. I want to read this latest. We had this awesome, awesome review or someone who stumbled upon the podcast, please consider visiting forward slash she’ll die trying Instagram at DieTrying podcast, you can always visit forward slash you’ll die trying and email us at you’ll die trying

How did you know that? I was going to be talking about that or saying that? Or I know.

I know. You really do.

I’m making a decision everyone. Soon that he doesn’t agree with

or you know, we can talk about it without talking about the content. Right? Because you don’t want to let that I don’t let the cat out of the bag that cat out of the bag yet.

But I am doing something totally.

This is one of those times where we you asked her? Do we ever disagree on anything? Oh, yeah, of course we will. Okay, now is the point where we disagree. Definitely

disagree. But before we before we even touch that I want to talk a little bit about I want to talk a little bit about this awesome, awesome review we received and want to say thank you for for writing this. It’s very uplifting for us to read your thoughts and commentary. These guys are vulnerable, brilliant, funny, thought provoking and on the cutting edge of how a business should be operated. I very much enjoy listening and can relate to everything they discuss. Thank you, Nathan and Dr. Carroll for being so honest and open in these podcasts and raising the bar for all of us in the funeral service. Oh, that’s that wasn’t the latest one though.

That was our podcast they were talking about. There’s another one.

Yeah, there’s another one that basically says Dr. Carroll is absolutely brilliant. And Nathan Morris is self deprecating.

No, no, not at all. It’s but we are so grateful for the comments because it helps us know that that first of all, it there’s someone lives that someone is listening. Secondly, that we might say even if we if Nathan has just said one thing selfie about life, that would matter. One thing, that’s all it takes, that’s That’s it would be worth it. So you want to look on our social media sites, Facebook and Instagram to see the selfie that was taken during the publication of this, this podcast. Absolutely. So I wanted to to ask again or kind of get back to that question of I don’t think even got to ask the agreement. Oh, yeah, disagreement. So Nathan has an idea for the the business and Nathan is an extrovert. Nathan is an ideas person. Nathan is a fire with imagination. I’ll say Nathan has a thought. And other people tend to kind of implement the that thought right into reality. And then Nathan can continue to kind of create well, he has an idea. That is not a good idea. And we’ve been talking about it for a large portion of the day, since about 735 this morning, and it’s been a nonstop conversation. very calm, very friendly, proves that people can disagree with civility.

You know what I want to stop there and say thank you, because we literally do not agree whatsoever and I don’t feel at all judged or anything. And I think that’s really cool. I just think not only just put that does. That’s not just a testament to our friendship. Yeah, but I think it says that people can be civil People can genuinely just have conversations. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So anyway,

well and also because I know that in the end it will turn out that this was not a good idea. It’ll be a terrible idea. I, I never want I will never you’ll never hear me utter those words. This four terrible words. I told you so. You said it. Not me. No, never say, Well,

I want to share. I want to share something that I tried. I love the idea of valet parking. Okay, love it.

Yeah, me too. Love valet

parking. If you were in any if you have a five star hotel, is it a five star four star? How does it five five star hotel five star restaurant or four star restaurant?

Well, they’re like three Michelin stars. Yeah, we don’t have any of those in Owensboro. Yeah, we just have two Michelin stars. No, we don’t. We don’t have any. Well, if

I want valet parking, because if you go to

any there’s no valet in Owensboro. No. There used to be at the hospital. Yes. Oh, it’s not valid anymore. I don’t think they have LA at the new hospital. The old one. They did. I think they do. Well, I don’t know. Anywho. I

think there’s something to be said about a valet experience. And having someone in this like really nice uniform. Park your vehicle before you go into the funeral homes. It’s

such an act of service too. And hot heat and cold cold.

Yes. I think it’s doable. Still. Okay, I got it in my head and immediately implemented it

valet? Yeah. We know that. You want to do valet at our homes?

I did it. Oh, really? I failed. Dino watt failed.

Yeah, I know why it failed.

Yeah, it failed. Because I didn’t. I needed to have spent more time on it. Okay, I got this really nice valet stand. I got this really nice. Valet employee. It was legit. I mean, it was it was legit. We numbered the parking spaces we had it worked out perfectly. And the people that we parked for really appreciated it too. But the system was broken. It wasn’t ready. Okay, so I’m just telling you that story to tell you I was the first to admit, we bought a really, really nice expensive valet stand and it’s still it’s still there. Where is that? It’s in the it’s in the garage? Oh, it’s in the garage where? Mr. evilly? Parks?

Maybe I should use that at my practice? Yeah, you could? Yeah, no, I’m not gonna do that. Okay, well, it.

I think it’s a good idea. There’s still room for it. Okay, so anyway, all that to say, I, I,

what factors go into making a decision? If forward slash when there are people around you who are saying, Whatever you do, don’t do that. Okay.

Good question.

Let’s use the valet as an example. Let’s

use the valet as an example. Let’s

say that you had a, you know, close, personal business colleague and friend and a spouse and maybe others around you saying, Whatever you do, don’t roll out valet. Because and then they listed their reasons what would bring you to make that decision to do it anyway. Okay,

good question. Right there. Good question.

Argument. Good rationale. I am wonderful.

Okay, I have mentors, candidly speaking mentors across the country who have implemented these incredible, yes. Ideas. Yes. Okay. Okay. marketability. Okay. Service. Okay. Experience, okay. And it works there. Why can it not work here? Okay. So that’s my thoughts going into this stuff. So I understand that change. This is a part of a change. This is a change. This will be a change of current. Yeah. Right. Changes and easy, right? For anybody. Even someone young like you and me. Yeah.

Well, thank you. Older people. I love change changes.

I love it. And I’m not arguing saying that this is you don’t like this idea? Because it’s change. I? I like trying things. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Do you want to

hear the story? In New Jersey? Where I used to be? You’re in New Jersey? Yeah. For a minute for a while to school there. And does this king? No, that’s in Bristol, Tennessee. They have a course New Jersey has 11 electoral votes by my last count. And it’s a very small state, which means it’s incredibly populated, right. And so there is a ton of traffic and auto insurance is exceptionally high because with all that traffic, the margin for error goes up. And so do obviously accidents. A lot of those accidents are caused by deer, specially in the late fall. November ish when there’s the what’s called rut, which is gross, but it’s there all these deer everywhere. And what the local municipalities decided to do was to put birth control at the feeding sources for these deer to help thin out the deer population, because of course, some people would say, well just add hunters. Well, this is an incredibly populated area, we’re talking about not forests, we’re talking about like a grove of trees, with houses all around it, and there’d be like tons of deer in and out of there all the time. So they locate the feeding sources or creating sources and put birth control there, and that that has helped to thin out the deer population. We don’t do that here in Owensboro. Another story, lots of snow falls in Boston, Massachusetts, and I don’t know if you’ve ever seen snow removal equipment like they have up there. But it’s I’m shaking my head, everyone. He’s shaking his head because he knows where I’m going that, but we don’t have that was legit. I don’t have huge snow removal equipment here in Kentucky. Because our one to five inch snows that happen three times a year. Don’t necessitate that it would be poor stewardship, bad funding problems. No buy in, doesn’t increase the bottom line for the city. Doesn’t mean anyone’s going to move to our town because we have bigger plows. It works in Boston. But it wouldn’t work in Owensboro. I somehow forgot the point. Do

you know the point I was making, he just busted my chops.

What plays in Peoria will play anywhere they say. But your mentor doesn’t live in Peoria. And I think we should really take a long hard look at your idea. And I think the best thing you can do is to take my position, argue it from that and see if you can argue yourself out.

The best thing to do is listen to me and not do it. Nathan

know, one of the best things I do when I’m debating something is to take the other person’s perspective and argue it like vehemently. And then then you realize, wow, there’s value to both sides.

Okay, so now argue from my side. Okay.

About the valet. Yes. Okay.

Guys, we are literally having a we are literally having an executive meeting right now, while podcast this is exactly what happened. This is awesome. Now we can record the minutes and submit it.

Okay, so arguing from your perspective. So I’m going to, I’m going to speak in the first person as if I’m you, okay, okay. It’d be fun. So I want my business to be exceptional. Nathan, you’re an idiot, oh, I wanted to be unique. I want to have greater market share, I want to have provided an exceptional experience for families in their greatest time of grief. And I want to have thought of everything. And I want to have dotted every i and every T and spent whatever it takes to make sure that the experience that people have in this dark hour is the finest available. Because first of all, that’s the right thing to do to give people the finest of imaginable. Secondly, when we do that, we get to do that for not just one family, we could do that for a lot of families. And that obviously increases our ability to do that for more families beyond that, and then we end up growing and we are adding more people. So if we were to add a new service, like for instance, having valet it would set us apart in terms of we would be maybe one of the only service companies to provide that service in our area. It would be different. It would make people feel comfortable. It would be eyebrow raising in a good way, like, Oh, why isn’t this nice? I don’t have to park my car. It’s cold, it’s raining, someone else gonna get my car. That’s a really lovely service. It’s incredible hospitality, right. And so as a result, we become known as the place where there’s an exceptional experience with impeccable hospitality, innovative and comfortable ideas are brought to life with a competent and friendly staff. And it’s second to none.

You just talked me into it. Now

talk me out of it.

I love the idea though, Nathan. No, that was good. I think I should just have you speak for me all the time.

Now. Now. Do you take the other do you take my position? But it’s hard for me to I guess in my case, I just did it because I completely disagree with everything I said about the fact that you’ve la you disagreed with everything you just said I don’t know, with everything I said about the valet. Because I don’t think that that makes us a better place with more exceptional service. I do think it’s an act of hospitality. I think it’s an act of hospitality question that I always encourage it’s a barrier for acre people I’m coaching, I’m always asking them to consider this question is what I am about to do? Absolutely necessary.

No, it’s not. But what? Everything else we do is everything else we know. Yeah. Not really

pointing to the bathroom or open hand leading or better guiding, which is best

guiding. Necessary. No. Okay. Open hand. Okay, necessary? Yes.

Okay. We say that’s what we do. Open hand gesture,

I think in the realm that we’re in, and you all are listening to a real, this is a real scenario, by the way, this is legit. This is really happening. I think, in the world that we’re in, anyone can put on a funeral service. Not everyone can create the experience. And if you can have value offerings at the ready. Right. And you can have them available should they be wanted? It’s kind of like, do you you know, you’re not going to have a casket present at a memorial service when a loved one is in their urn. So obviously caskets not around. Correct. So that’s a value offering that we’re not gonna present to that family know your audience. It’d be very awkward. Yeah. So I am big on just having services available. For instance, your grief care? Yeah. Right. Yeah. You’re you’re at the ready, you’re serving Absolutely. Dozens of families a week


It is necessary, but not everyone takes advantage of

more and more are? Yes. So let’s think about it this way. If you offer valet service, who is going to be parking those cars?

I don’t want to give my idea away. No, no, no. Just sticking with this comparison. Who’s going to be parking the cars? You’re not going to have other funeral directors parking dollars? Nope. You’re going to have to hire people to do it.

National Honor Society, seniors that need volunteer hours.

That would mean they would have to be ready at like 10am for a service when they’re in the middle of school

visitations five to eight valet parking. Let’s see. There’s another thing. Valet parking is only available from 5pm until 8pm. Monday through Friday.

So it’s already limited. It’s already limited, which means people can’t count on it. Which means it doesn’t become an indelible mark of hospitality. It’s only when it’s convenient for us to offer it. Like a venue for us. Well, yeah. And now it’s hard. As much as I think it would be really cool. Because I like the innovation. I know that it’s going to require more of you than you have to offer it. And I don’t think you can see that far down the road. Because you’re too far in it.

Well, still doing it.

Therein lies leadership.

No, these these are very important conversations. This is this is good.

Okay, let me ask you this question real quick. What? So so? In other words, if we were to list a pro and con list and the cons list is longer, right?

I think the pros list would be longer. You’re beautiful analogy. Your beautiful talks just then for the valet parking were far longer than that of the cons.

You will you never gave the cons. Oh, I have to give the con. Yes. You were supposed to argue from the other side. So

who’s gonna park the cars? Right? Good question. Yeah, we’re gonna have to invest in proper so now we’re spending money, proper clothing for the elements, elements, not elements that would cause elements if they weren’t properly

a uniform uniform? Yep, have a hired staff. Okay,

then you’re gonna have to make sure that the staff are well camped and you know, have to essentially put someone else in charge of other people. So create additional responsibilities and at

least two drivers minimum minimum liability, insurance liability insurance concerns

goes up.

Yep. What else? Where will they be? Where would these people be

outside? Right, literally all the time.

So you now or even a new traffic pattern, brand new traffic pattern in an already. I’m doing this for you. You notice. Um,

oh, yeah. You’re doing my thing for me. Yeah. You’d have a brand new traffic pattern. You’re just you’re smarter than

me. No. So it’s just that you can’t see it yet because you’re in the woods. Mm hmm. You see Trees, I’m trying to see the forest. That’s my job. My job is to go up and perch and see what’s out there. Well, that’s what I’m supposed to do. And it’s what I’m doing. And if it goes forward, not the valet, but the real thing. It’ll be interesting.

What if it goes forward and you are like, this is legit, the opportunities, the doors that have opened the relationships that have been built, because let’s be very honest, funeral service and care when you walk into, I don’t know, if I walked into an elementary school right now on my black suit, they’d be like, What are you doing here? You know, my kids don’t go to elementary school yet. You know, they’re still they’re still at their preschool. So, you know, what’s this funeral director doing here? Right, breaking barriers in this world, pulling back the veil, the curtain and letting people in or allowing yourself to be let in? I think is crucial.

I think it will be a distraction for who for Grievers for people coming to pay respects. Not talking about valet now.

Okay. The other thing I would talk about the thing

I think it would be I mean, I think it’s sweet and fun in that kind of kitschy way. But I don’t think that it will add value. And I don’t mean monetary value, but emotional value, psychological value, I think it could serve to distract attention away from honoring and caregiving for the loved one in that person’s family. It’s just like having a baby in the room. On the babies in the room. Everyone’s looking at the baby. Which is great if the purpose for gathering is, you know, to be around the baby. But if what we need to be doing is attending to our grief, and the stories of a life well lived. And then we are distracted. I don’t know that it allows us or for just the opportunity to be as faithful about that as we could have been otherwise. So that’s my kind of route. Concern.

Well, I will keep each one of you posted. When I do this.

Yeah, we will have a we will have to have a follow up podcast Jokes

aside, jokes aside, I really do value I’m looking you Dr. Carroll in the I value your insight, do not get me wrong, and everyone I do a doctor curl is one of my closest confidants and decision making. And you know, between Dr. Carol, Megan and myself, a lot of decisions are made. Yeah. And it’s very hard to be where we are. And we do have everyone’s best interests in mind.

And you know, I’m a big supporter. So yeah, whatever decisions are made are supported. And

he really will. He knows my personality, he knows what will probably end up happening. And he you will be very supportive of me and pick me up as if all face face to face first.

If that happens, it could end up being phenomenally successful. Good. And that’s it. I’ll be the first to say that was that’s a brilliant idea. I never saw that coming. I was wrong.

And you really wouldn’t be that. I mean, like you really would. Yeah, totally be the first to do that. I I think this is a very teachable moment for people listening. Because if you have an idea that you’re super passionate about, do two things really talk with someone that you trust, like, check not only sources or check others that are doing something similar to or check and see what costs would be or how it could benefit how it could deter all those things before making of a decision. Don’t go into something just absolutely blindly because it is stupid. I have done that before. I have done that before. Hence a valet parking. I do not have the exact plan in place that was needed for it to work in Owensboro. Kentucky now we have deer everywhere. Yeah, yeah,

exactly. So Well, I think I’d like to, to put in a plug for the Quakers. The Quakers are a religious sect within kind of the umbrella of Christianity. And they have a practice that is called the clearness committee. I’ve been a part of a clearness committee when I lived in and was serving a congregation in Virginia, in the southern and western part of Virginia to say that separately because people think you’re saying West Virginia. It was the south west part of Virginia. And this man, he was a hospital chaplain. He was weighing a career change, major relocation, major upheaval for his family. About probably 50 years old, had kids in college had someone in high school. And he wanted to talk about that. So he brought eight or nine people together. And we all sat in his office. And he didn’t say a word. We just asked questions. And he would write down the questions. And then he would go away and discern a response to those questions that he thought was as objective as possible, we would get back together again. And then he would tell us kind of, here’s what you asked, here’s what I thought. And then we would ask another round of questions. And we would do that until he came to his decision. So our job was simply to ask questions. His job was simply to listen and then to discern which, of course, as we’ve talked about before, discernment is that practice behind all other practices of seeking wisdom, so that other decisions can be made. And ultimately, he discerned that he was going to take that position. And he did, and it ended up being a wonderful thing for him and his family. It’s great, he’s excited. And, David, I hope you’re doing great. This is a practice that I think we all could benefit from. It’s not getting six or eight of your closest friends. It’s getting six or eight of the wisest people that you know, it may be a kind of, tribe of, of adversaries. What does that call Abraham Lincoln, there’s a book about it, he, the people he brought into his cabinet, oh, gosh, this drives me crazy. Anyway, there’s he at he brought everybody in who was against him, who ran against him and campaigns and, and they all gathered around him and became his closest cabinet and his closest companions and advisors, because he knew they had the nation’s best interests in mind, not his. So when you invite people into your clearness committee, it’s not six or eight of my friends who are going to tell me what I want to hear it six or eight of the wisest people I can think of who are going to ask me the wisest questions that I could never think of. And that helps me discern my, my, my forward movement.

This has been really fun. I’ve really enjoyed this. I really appreciate you being kind and gentle and talking this scenario. I’ve loved it. Me. It’s been fun. It has been really, really fun. So until we’ll keep you updated, I assure you, like I said, of what we ended up deciding

it was Team of Rivals. That’s what I was trying to think of Lincoln’s Team of Rivals No, you find out before so yeah, I think we should do a follow up podcast release Apollo, a follow up segment of a podcast to once this decision is made and and some of the findings, I think that would be really great.

And either you will eat crow reverently, or I will.

I say, I just hope that that we succeed no matter what I do, too.

And if we don’t, we’ll die trying. We will die trying.

Thanks for listening, everyone. It’s been good having you. This has been good. Thank you.

Can I have can I say thank you, but yes, thank you. It’s my pleasure.