Ep 42 – Friendships Part 2

So why do you think it is that the and this is not universally true? So there are going to be people out there shaking their head and leaving, you know, comments. Now they’re not going to do that. But they’re going to be shaking their head and disagreeing with part of this. But why do you think that some people, as they grow older, that pool, that friendship pool becomes more distilled? There are fewer and fewer people on whom you can count at that, in that way? You know that the analogy or the example you just gave? Why is it that the older we get, the fewer people we have to count on? Or am I just is that just my experience?

That’s a good question. And I don’t know. I don’t know if that is true for everyone.

I definitely think it isn’t true for everyone. But is it true for anyone else hear

me? Yeah, um, yeah, I don’t have many friends. But yes, used to just have so many friends. But that’s what I would long for man. I would work to just like, be able to call somebody my friend. I love the idea of somebody, you know, liking me. I mean, that’s, that’s what we all yearn for. For a long time.

Do you feel like all of those friends back when we’re all completely? Friends? No, no.

Okay. That’s the question I was gonna ask.

No, no, no, no, it was very. That’s me. I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know. I can’t help it. You know, then I’m on call tonight. And that’s just it’s a do necessay daughter. Yeah. That’s my wife, ladies and gentlemen on this to answer this sort of, yeah, I can answer that. And you all continue to talk. But I just think that the friendship aspect of I think that I was more of a friend to people than they were to me for sure. For sure. As I

Well, that’s a terrible thing to say. So

when I say Did, did I get it wrong? I think, because I said that. I think that I was better of a friend. And they weren’t? Yeah, I really do. I think I was a better friend to them than they were to me and like high school speaking in high school. Right? Let’s,

we’re gonna break this down. While you take. Yeah, your call make your call.

So, Brent, you are around a lot of people. My guess is you well lately on a daily basis or not necessarily?

Yeah, it varies. Okay. varies. Now. I, I was in a band for about 10 years. And we toured constantly. But about a year ago, we finally kind of call it quits. And so since then, I have not been around as many people, as I’m used to being around. When I was touring, it was mostly either strangers or people that I knew from distance, like, you know, longtime fans that would show up but you know, I only knew them. As well, as you can know somebody from just, you know, talking to them. Yeah, at a show. Sure.

So would you say that you’re rich in friendships?

That’s a good question. That’s a good question. I not as much as I would like, I think, I think I as of late, I’ve, I’ve come to realize how good some of my friends are at keeping in touch with people. Yeah. And how poorly I do that. Yeah. Because I think I kind of just took it for granted that you know, I get calls on the same people. And I genuinely want to talk to him. I’m happy to get those calls. It never registered like, Oh, I could be doing this in the other direction. Yeah. And part of that was just being probably too busy with my work and not paying attention. So yeah, I wish I wish I was richer. In friendships. Yeah. I’ve got a question. For her for you, Nathan. Okay. So you said that you’ve got a tight small group do you feel like does that feel fragile? Like, like, if you got a ton of something, whatever it is, it’s like oh, I can I can spare when you get down to a very small amount. Do you feel that Saint like, I’ve got to really be careful.

No, no, I think it’s pretty awesome because I was what I was talking about. At the beginning of this episode, it’s like I’ve thrown dirt at you and yet you’re still my friend Brent and genuinely care about me. Dr. Carroll, same thing. I’ve thrown things Have you or maybe you’ve seen a side of me that isn’t the most beautiful and whatever, but yet you love me as I am. You all, at this point haven’t gone anywhere. So you’re I don’t think that you are so therefore that doesn’t feel fragile. So that feels really good. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. Because I don’t mean to interrupt you, while you’re, if you were going somewhere, hold that thought. Because I, I think you just helped me define a piece of friendship, because I don’t think as a friend, that I even would notice that, you know, like, I wouldn’t characterize Oh, there’s a part of a person’s personality that I really don’t like, like, as a friend, I don’t know that wouldn’t. That wouldn’t register as a thought to me, it would be like, but that’s just, that’s one color in this grand palette. And I wouldn’t pick one out as distinctive for one reason or the other. It’s just well, there’s, there’s the palette, you know what I mean? So as a friend, I would never think, oh, there’s a side of him that I don’t particularly like that that would never occur. To me, that

feels good. And therefore, no, it doesn’t feel fragile. It doesn’t feel just like at this point in my life, I think it’s great with a handful of friends that I have you all included, I can actually more free to be myself the freedom. Yeah, that have that having a handful of friends is. And to those of you listening who have multiple panels of friends, that’s great. I think that’s awesome and incredible. If you literally can rely on these people, mine’s just a smaller.

Well, you know, Joe and I have talked a lot about this, because we’ve both been pretty social people and the positions that we’ve been in or have held have kind of presented that to us. And we’ve had the privilege of knowing a lot of people. But you realize that at some point in your life, either things happen, or things change, or positions change, or you take on a new work or whatever. And you realize that a lot of those friendships were for a particular purpose. And maybe it’s because those people were getting something, you know, from us that now they can’t or don’t get from us anymore. So she taught me this idea that there are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime. Going to college, for instance, you know that that’s friends for a season, right? Or maybe somebody is in a group, a women’s group, or that may be friends for a reason. And then they’re the people that you’re that you’re with for the rest of your life. I have a friend that I’ve been friends with since kindergarten, and we don’t talk often, we always send a birthday text. He lost a parent, when we were in school, I lost a parent when we’re in school. We, when we do see or talk to each other, it’s like, there is not one second has passed since the last time we were together. And it could be years between when our voices exchange. But it’s like no time has passed at all. And to me, that’s like that’s a lifetime friend. But we don’t connect, you know, he lives in another state. And he has lots of kids and I have lots of kids and it just doesn’t work. Logistically, even in a technological world like ours. We haven’t made it work, but it works when it needs to, which is pretty cool. But I find that when people this, this is going to sound negative. And I don’t mean it to but it kind of is. But when people can no longer when some people can no longer get something out of you. They disappear.

I’ve thought about that. I mean in like in my business music, there’s Yeah, it’s it’s tough,

very tragic stuff.

So I’ve had to think about a lot. Yeah. I’m a thinker by nature. Yeah. So I’ve had lots of thoughts about this. And I guess where I’m at, in my understanding with it as of right now is like Nathan and I we have a lot of like I think of life as a journey walking a path. Nathan I and I have walked number of miles. Mm hmm. along that path

it was at one time you almost punched me and we’re on the dance tide. You’re mad at me. I was gonna I don’t even remember what I was doing something probably extremely done brains probably working extremely hard. I’m in his way annoying him. And he’s like, don’t get me away. I’m gonna be Yeah, but on the same note, we got over it really quick because we live in like super close. Yeah,

we just we’ve shared a lot of meaningful moments. And

like getting snowed in and Massachusetts and remember that. Yes, that was fun.

But anyway that that means, you know, if you meet a new friend and you, you know, I guess the friend for a season yeah, as you called it that person also has their Nathan’s that hold much more weight than you do. Just by the nature of the way life is played out. Absolutely. And so I try to think of it like that. And, of course, you know, you can’t, you can’t put as much importance on on a friendship that’s very short lived, or to date anyway, that you would, you know, a long term friendship. And I take pride try to take friendship very seriously. Like, if Nathan does something that just, really I just hate, or is terrible. I have to try to be not that this has ever happened. I’m

literally, like, how many times?

No, you just have to, you have to think Alright, well, how many times have I done something like that? That I’ve, yeah. been the recipient of grace.

Hey, what city where we am when we were walking back from the Walmart to the bus and Brian Nance is opening the DVD. I don’t baggage any inhaled. So we had to go to the emergency room.

That I don’t know for me.

So that’s, it’s interesting to hear you. You talk about that. Brent, that. It’s really what I hear you saying is it’s it’s it’s a cultivating a kind of presence to whatever relationship you might find yourself in at any given moment.

Like, some relationships, friendships, if you will. Sure. I would just argue,

well, you know, what, yeah,

just yeah, we both will rarely will. You said friendships, if you will. And I was like, Yeah, I’m fine.

They’re they’re reciprocal. It’s like, yes. You figure out that you both have a common goal. Or you want to share an Uber somewhere, wherever it is. Yeah.

I share an Uber with you guys. Sweet. That’s,

that’s perfectly fine. That’s good. That’s we do that all the time. We share common goals, and we pair up when we have that common goal, right. When that common goal dissipates, yeah, we to do. Exactly. And but with long term friends. I don’t I don’t think you know, oh, well, you know, I don’t need Nathan anymore. Right? Because there’s that,

right. It’s no longer about common goals. It’s about shared history.

And that has to develop. Yes, it has to grow into that. Yes. And some relationships,

some do and some don’t. Right. Yeah, exactly. And I think that’s okay. Yeah, I think that we do tend to be kind of hard on ourselves about it, because we might read that as a failure on our parts, to have not been able to cultivate a crop out of that friendship that would last that would be sustainable over the years. And but not all of them can nor should they, right?

It may just not be meant to be not meant to be yet okay.

We cry. I’ve been known to do that. Relationships are my one of my most favorite things to think about.

Have I ever made you mad? Dr. Carroll? I know the answer fast Britt right now cuz I mean, I’ve seen him upset with me. Have I ever made you mad?

No, no, I’ve been frustrated but not angry. You’re mad now?

You’re frustrated me last week?

What happened? Uh, well,

I don’t know how to be very generalist general about it. Remember, we were walking back here. And I made the comment about the employee. Yeah, that needed to meet with you. Yeah, because it was emergent. But it wasn’t emergent. Oh, and you’re like, Yeah, I

wasn’t mad at you. You’re real. Let

me back in though. Pretty hot.

I feel like that’s part of my role as the kind of consultant in this context is to remind you of your place and not to be not to allow you to become overly accessed and yeah, yeah. That was a that was good. That was that horse thing. That was nice. It was that sounded kind of like a anyway, relationships are are interesting, and they’re complicated sometimes. And I said before, once that I had the privilege of giving a lecture in my undergraduate school for the whole student body about anything I wanted nachos friendship, because it’s such a it’s such a fascinating. I use this word earlier. It’s a fascinating mystery. To me, how people from similar or varied backgrounds can create meaning, shared meaning and purpose together and can do so accepting each other’s faults, you know, your parents teach you to be friends with those people with whose faults you can live. And I like that, you know, you pick the people whose faults you can live with, and, and you stay there. Why, though, and I get caught on this question. Why do we, why do I have fewer now? And maybe if I’m listening to the universe or whatever, maybe that’s what my life needs right now. Yeah, I mean, maybe I shouldn’t even question that as much as just be thankful for it. Like, this is a season where what I have is what I need. Never too much. Never too little, like manna. Remember that story? They’ve always got enough? Yeah. Now they think that was the fruit of a tamarind tree. Not necessarily as miraculous as the story has it? But nonetheless, just enough for the day?

How do you always like, where did that come from? Did you open up like, Newsweek or? Oh, no, that’s just us. Wait.

Yeah, it was. Definitely I was on the cover of time this week. What is manna? We figured it out. The most relevant pressing cultural issue of the day. Oh, that’s

great. That’s awesome. I’ve enjoyed this episode.

I won’t stop thinking about friendship. Good. And mostly the question What kind of friend am I? Which that was the that was the vortex of our episode way previous?

What kind of friend are you? Who were listening? What do you feel that you’re one that? Why are you smiling? Because I’m addressing the two this is my new bit is my job. Yeah. I just add is that is my new bit. For those of you I just want to know what you’ve always done. It’s new to me, because I’m noticing you’re becoming conscious. conscious? Oh,

yeah. It’s like up just as message because

I’m gonna keep going for those of you. What kind of friend are

you? You’re thinking,

what what what do do your thing I quit? I quit. This is my last episode. I’m retiring tonight. Grant will be taking over. He and his entire family are going to up and move,

encourage, encourage our congregation, a congregation

congregation for those of you who are listening? What kind of friend are you? Are you one that you can feel as confident and where you stand as far as being that reliable and kind? And I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.

Are you that? Are you guys, the kind of friend who would have sat with me yesterday and watch my knee get sliced?

I would totally have done that. Yeah, you didn’t tell me about it. And so you tell you’re like, Oh,