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Ep 43 – The Wound Part 1

Welcome, Nathan. Welcome Dr. Carroll. How are you doing?

Really good. How are you? It’s

been a heck of a day. Really. My whole day has been off. It’s been productive. But it’s been off. I was supposed to be in Frankfort capital city. I was going to be meeting with a senator to advance a bill that influences and impacts me and people like me. Under my licensure as president of the board is my responsibility. He canceled on me through a staffer in a text message late last night, and I’d cleared my entire day. So as a result, I had to repopulate my entire day, late last night early this morning, and it’s been pretty good. But I’m, I’m a little discombobulated.

So did you cancel? Did you cancel appointments and then reschedule them again? Well,

I had I had kept that day clear, I had blocked

it. So this whole day has been blocked. Why have you been here earlier with me? Because I’ve populated it with a waiting list last last night and early this morning.

That’s got it. So people like you know to know if there’s a cancellation they can get in before two or three weeks from now then yes, this is good. So ended up being good. But um, you know, it’s different. It’s a different a different is not

bad, kinda like this. This studio.

Studio looks different today.

But it looks way different.

The studio is in the midst of a metamorphosis. It is not the book by Franz Kafka, but the actual,

and not the album by Lizzie McGuire.

Right? I mean, but the answer I mean, the actual process of transformation. I believe that transformation is the primary event and purpose of the human life. Discuss

transformation is the primary event and purpose for a human life. I’m gonna pass some time key jingle driver made. Transformation

Do you want the jingle again? I, I agree. What do you think?

Well think about constantly changing and growing and bettering ourselves kind of like what this podcast is about.

I mean, we are conceived into the process of transformation constantly. We literally don’t stay as we are from the point of conception to this very moment for very long at all, if, if at all. Yeah, there’s always growth, always at least there’s always change. I think we get to a point where we are we have to be conscious, and intentional and deliberate and purposeful, about that change. Otherwise, we might be standing still, stagnancy equals death or moving backwards, which of course could yield some some depression. But I think that we are called to be intentional about moving forward, I think transformation is the primary event and purpose of the human life.

So then, that also walks parallel with vulnerability. Say more. Well, I mean, if you’re constantly transforming, then you’re throwing yourself, your mind your body out there to become vulnerable. It’s kind of like breaking yourself down. When you’re working out, you know, your muscles are rebuilding, and they’re getting bigger and more, more strength and tear it down, tear it down, rebuild up, tear down, build it up. So let’s, let’s talk about some vulnerability. Okay.

Okay, good. So there is, do you know the name Albert Camus he wrote up the book, The plague and some other kind of Neo realist literature? I’m guessing he was kind of mid 19th century or 18th 20th century, but he has a quotation, that every act of creation is first an act of destruction. Hmm. Which is pretty neat, right? When you think about it, whether you’re thinking about it, theologically, or you’re thinking about it personally and professionally. In order to create he says, first you must destroy the tearing down, leads to the building up, which certainly goes along with prophets, Jeremiah, and Isaiah and the Old Testament, and in the Hebrew Bible, that is, and there are others, I think, who would argue that first we must tear down in order to build up. I see a hand I’m going to call on the caller, Nathan.

Yes. So let’s speak personally and professionally. So in 2015 Whenever we acquired Miller shap Meyer, so we started buying homes, what was destroying to build up what was destroyed to start building?

Potentially the fear that you couldn’t do it?

Oh, Yeah, maybe. So it wasn’t necessarily like you ruined your business, you know, to buy something new.

No, it’s not not necessarily a material process of destruction. Got it, you might be destroying the story that you tell yourself or mental obstacles or intellectual challenges or personal kind of self esteem issues. So you see how powerful that is like it. And this isn’t me, this is Albert Camus. But I think I don’t know what he meant. But I think what he means by it is, in order to create, we have to first make space. And the space making is an act of destruction. It’s removing what was there first.

Being vulnerable is not fun. I always picture myself and in on that island in between, like two lanes of traffic on either side of me, and I’m standing in my underwear. Okay. That’s what I think when I think vulnerable. I’m like,

Do you know why when most people think about vulnerability, they think about someone somebody in underwear.

That’s really true. But I don’t know why

that I don’t go there. Where do you go? Try not to go anywhere in just my underwear A B, I tend to go to actual, I think probably fears, or worries or anxieties. Even

if you want to go that far. It’s not as fun as being in your like,

it doesn’t sound like it’s much fun.

If that’s where you go. Yeah, that’s obviously true.

Why do you think that there is such a stereotypical resistance to vulnerability precisely within males, people who identify as males.

So you’re saying people don’t want to be vulnerable, like people who identify as males do not want to? Well, I think it just humanizes them. And that takes us to this them and me takes us to this. We’re not a superior as we thought, I don’t know, not superior in the sense of like, over over the sexes, but you know, men are the stoic beings are supposed to be at, I think that’s probably a good reasoning.

But where does this come from?

dumb people? I don’t know, it’s societal. And

yeah, I mean, there is a lot of talk these days about what’s called toxic masculinity, hmm. practices, such as physical violence, or emotional or intellectual superiority, however, you know, real or imagined, that reinforce this notion that men are dominant over women in the West, which of course includes us. And there have been, I mean, this is not just a Gillette commercial issue, right? This is, this is a scholarly conversation that people are having throughout the western cultures, in psychology and sociology, in anthropology, as well as in public health, obviously, because issues such as risk taking, dominance, violence, emotional needs, emotional control, the desire to win, these are all aspects of the public health, sphere, as well. It impacts things like domestic violence and the role of women in relationship with men, etc. So this is across the board a sweeping conversation, I think that men need to be having, and many are, and there are movements within circles of men that are trying to undermine and re form these pressures, socially, culturally familiarly, that are being placed on men to be dominant. Right. And this is interesting to me. And it’s this is important because I read a couple of articles about this notion of the culture of toxic masculinity. And there was a an article that was written I can’t remember when I can’t remember what medium but I was reading on about it online and it was Jocko willing can Jocko is the former Navy SEAL who’s written a book or two or three?

Podcast?

I think he does. Yeah, he’s appeared on I think, Tim Ferriss, he’s appeared on YouTube with Casey Neistat. He is I think, a colleague of David Goggins. So a lot of people who have kind of popped in and out of our conversations. And he wrote an article about how it is problematic for men to let go of this sense of dominance, like that it’s hardwired into us. And I don’t have the article so I can’t speak to it. But I just remember having a visceral reaction to it negatively as I read it, and I thought this is not what I would want if I had a son growing up, this is not what I would want my son to read and to believe is true. So I might, I’ll have to kind of dig that up and take a closer perusal of that, you know, peruse means actually to read thoroughly. A lot of people think it means just to take a glance it’s

yeah, I always thought peruse means just to glance at it’s a thorough read. I’m not to peruse that.

Yeah, I need to peruse it as well. But it is a problem. And of course, yes, stereotypically maybe I would expect someone like Jocko willing to write that, you know, we have to maintain our, our position of aggression. And that’s a word he uses frequently in the article. Remember that aggression, which is very different than assertive. Assertiveness is the degree to which someone feels comfortable asking for what they want and need in a socially appropriate way. Aggression, of course, is a form of direct action oftentimes, which takes the shape of violence or maybe bullying some sort of control or dominance posture, which I don’t, I don’t like at all.

I my angle with this whole masculinity and dominance is all I want to do is to be a protector. Like when when it comes to women, it’s like this chivalrous protector. I’ll generally speaking over making sure that I’m protecting, speaking specifically to my spouse, I don’t want anything to harm her. I don’t want anyone to harm her. Sure, she could probably beat up more people than I could. But my point is as like the man that that’s important to me. Now, as far as you know, being aggressive or dominant know that there’s there’s no need for that. I don’t feel that I need to be superior to her and her inferior to me, or any woman, speaking of New York Daily Post just released an article about how 50% Or I think it’s that number. Well, I do know that they’re coming in droves. Millennials and females in the funeral profession are coming in droves. We’ve already talked about it. Yeah, in the sense of all the data that we have. Yeah, but now we have the data from the New York Daily Post. And if you want to read that article, I’m sure if you type in New York Daily Post, millennials funeral directors then you’d probably get it turns out a lot of the 20 somethings coming in and taking over this. This profession is pretty exciting.