Ep 51 – The Ruler

Hey, Nathan. Ah, this is episode 51. Yep. Welcome. Hi, I’m Jonathan. I’m Nathan. This is you’ll die trying Yep.

Hey, you know,

that’s a nice cold beverage.

Yeah, it’s nice and cold and frothy.

It’s so warm in here.

Well, cuz it’s right by the windows. Are you hot? I feel really good. I feel like I’m in a nice warm itchy blanket. But Ooh, nah, it’s not uncomfortable. He Okay, well, it feels good. Where I’m at what’s wrong?

I just feel a little rundown.

Really, cuz you’re coming in like skipping and, and fluttering glitter everywhere. I

felt like I just where you just jumped a lot in the other room with the Wonder Boys and now I’m exhausted. You look when you get to be my age. And some of our listeners can appreciate this. It’s not the same.

Well, I mean, you’re talking like you’re 60 and all you did was jump.

A vertical leaped you did vertically leaped? Yes. My vertical leap is astonishingly embarrassingly low. It wasn’t that bad. It’s bad. Yeah, but I mean it compared to my height it

is that was literally over. That was nine feet or more. Yeah,

but I used to could could used to could used to cause Yeah, my favorite words. I used to be able to jump higher than one of our bus drivers used to talk

like that used to could Matt could and could

you ever see Slingblade Billy Bob Thornton? That was amazing.

Well, I’m sorry that you tore your ACL.

I feel good. Now that I’ve mentioned it now that I’ve articulated it. I’m I’m feeling more comfortable. So you are here. We’re welcoming of you our listeners. Yes. Thanks for being here. Absolutely. Check out this cute little song Dr. Ma does not get old. I’d like to talk today about emotions.

Okay, okay. Was that Russian right there?

Yeah, it was. That’s the thing is it’s that everything is. And we’re just not as aware. Maybe as we could be about it. And so we don’t end up doing well with our emotions. Here we are two men talking about emotions. What world is this? What planet are we on? I don’t have a clue. And Krypton. Anyway, I want to give us a five letter acronym to use in the in the help and in the function of managing our emotions. Okay, okay. Do you think you could guess the acronym?

Start? As T A RT start? No,

but that was good. Its ruler. Was that your next guess? Hmm. Okay. In order for us to manage our emotions, first of all, we have to recognize our recognize. So tell me tell me about how you have been feeling today.

How today? Well, yesterday afternoon ended with just having a dump truck of of issue. At the end of the day jumped on my back when I carry that. It’s probably not podcast worthy, but just a lot of business stuff that I totally can’t fix that. Thanks for sparing us though. You just totally can’t fix after five o’clock. Yeah. Oh,

yeah. That’s that’s frustrating. Yes.

And so I came in today. A little overwhelmed about after five o’clock yesterday. Got it fixed. Okay, we’re in good shape. Okay, so I feel now I’m, I’m good. Oh, your hair looks good. Thanks, man. It’s literally going to touch the ceiling. And these are high ceiling. It has a vertical leap higher than what I

did. I’m sore thinking about how high you have are having to put out a lot of fires, aren’t you? Like, that’s the bulk of your day? Right now. I wonder why that is? Is it because you’re in kind of startup mentality?

I think it’s because we’re constantly Yeah, we’re every new acquisitions, a startup essentially over? Absolutely.

100% Even though you have processes and products lined out and eventually people. It’s still a startup each time. Yep. New context, new dynamics, new rules.

Yep, you have a mold, but it doesn’t necessarily work for all.

Yeah. So I would be interested to know how franchisors experience that. Do they experience new franchisees starting up and expanding and scaling as a as a startup or do they are they able to be kind of hands off, like, sign the contract. Here’s your license. Here are your products. Everything’s packaged, everything’s branded. Now go run with this and let us know if you have problems. I’m sure it’s not that easy.

Yeah, it’s definitely not that easy. It’d be fun, but no recognizing is crucial. I think I can recognize my emotions, my feeling.

So this morning when you came in, what would you say? Was your your particular emotional? State?

I wasn’t overwhelmed. I was. Stress. It was stress.

You were stressed? Yeah. What would be the emotion attached to that? Well, probably worry. Yeah. Fear.

I was gonna say fear, or worry. I think worry was better because the situation at hand was worrisome. But only because it was at a time that I couldn’t do anything about it anyway. And had to wait till the following day. So just sits on me. Just stupid.

Okay. So, so first is recognizing, right? Can I guess the you? Yeah,

understanding? Yes. How’d you know? Because I couldn’t think I mean, it’s not ukulele unicorn. Is you? Yeah. You know,

Coco lately? Yeah. It starts with you.

Thank you. Daily.

You can lay UK II le le, le le be a Na Na, yes. Ukulele LA, understanding. So what do you understand? What is that? What does that word mean to you, when it comes to this particular context? And your worry,

I understand that my emotion was, at that moment, it was how I felt. And it was justifiable to the fact that that was what was going on. This was my reaction. Instead of sitting in my reaction, I actually became proactive in fixing. So I understood that my emotion caused an effect, which was solution.

Okay. So you understood that your emotion was legitimate? It was well placed. It was appropriate. Anybody you could say maybe in similar circumstance might experience a similar emotional state? Yeah,

I mean, what stress is, is that word has so many different layers. Yeah. I mean, when you say you’re stressed, you could say you’re stressed because you missed one answer. In a test, or I’m so stressed because my car just exploded. I mean, there’s I mean, you’re still stressed. But anyway, I was definitely varying degrees of intense Yeah, I was in the middle of that. There was there was not anyway, it was It wasn’t overwhelming.

The L stands for labeling.

Say something totally different. Like lionhearted I don’t know what I was gonna say.

What if your name like Richard the Lionheart? What if you were called the line mean? That’s a great name. Yes.

Hey, Richard, what’s your name? I mean, what? You know, where are you from? Oh, I’m Richard lionhearted.

Richard the Lionheart. Richard the Lionheart. Amazing. Yeah,

I would definitely have bourbon with him. Yeah, so Richard the Lionheart, if you’re listening, please email us at you’ll die trying Or follow us on Facebook.

I’m your crypt, Tim. So labeling is where you are able to, I think, assign a an accurate description word to what you have understood to be and recognize to be your emotional state at the time. So earlier, you had said stress. So you were recognizing it. You were trying to understand that, hey, this is this is part of it. This is what I’m going through solution focused. Then it comes to the labeling. So what do you want to call the stress? Well, I was gonna say fear. But now I’m gonna say worry. Now, now we are at okay, I have worry, right. Mm hmm. The

GK Express Express. express it. Yeah, with myself,

I think and we could sing it in a safe place that you know, to be supportive. An environment that you know, to be encouraging and inspiring.

So this setting here between two microphones is just shooting record button. Safe, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. No,

I was worried like this morning.

You were worried? Yep. Okay. What were you worried about?

I was worried that this there wouldn’t be a solution that couldn’t fix it.

Gosh, it’s so hard to speak in vagaries. I wish I knew a specific. I mean, I do but I wish we could talk

about Yeah, I wish we could really talk about it at length. I mean, you know, it just, it’s a lot of

did it really feel solution lists? Yeah. Yeah. It was the worry the fallout.

Probably. It’s not so much the solution list. It’s just like, this is like gonna be us. slow grind, like a really slow grind. Grind such a quick fall. Yeah. And now a slow climb and grind. Right? Exhausting.

Okay. Have you read the book rise and grind? By Daymond? John? No. The shark from Shark Tank? No. founder and owner of FUBU clothing brand. I haven’t read it either. Okay, but I want to it’s on my wish list. Yeah, yeah. The fifth letter of ruler is another are

GRE at jolt your bras are gray, Rick recursion,

regulate regulate. Yeah, probably not a word that just flows unless you’re in like the natural gas or oil business where you have to regulate, or the FDA, USDA or some other government agency. Anyway, regulation. So this is the management part. Okay. Why do you think it is that your worry was getting the best of you? How? What story were you telling yourself about what was happening?

After five o’clock? That was where the worries started. I can’t do anything about it right now. I can’t do anything about it right now. I’m gonna do something about it. That was where it started. And then today, this morning, I was worried because it was going to be a slow grind. And I like results.

So the story you were telling yourself was, this is not going to happen in a manner efficient or expedient enough for my tastes Correct? What what did you think was at risk?

Everything? Really, but yeah, yeah. But I know, it’s, um, so usually,

so. So this is where the regulation piece comes in. Because it’s so easy to catastrophize to make yourself believe that if this one little thing doesn’t happen, the whole ship sinks. Now, there are occasions where that might be true. But typically, that isn’t the case at all,

and restock the candles this multimillion dollar empires fall. Right. That is,

that is a lot of the fear I think that people have and the worry that they have is that if they don’t get on top of this right now. The House of Cards false. Yeah. And obviously, that isn’t the case. Yeah, right. Now you’re right wasn’t the case, then is not the case now. So this is why it’s so it’s so I was gonna say expensive. And I wonder why I was gonna say that. But it really is expensive, emotionally speaking, to not manage one’s emotions. Well, to not recognize what’s going on, understand what’s going on, label it, give it word to it, be able to express it in a healthy and appropriate way in a safe space, and then to be able to regulate or manage it. If you don’t do those things, then your emotions will wear you out. They will take charge, they will be in control. And you will be subject and servant to your emotional states. Yeah, as changing as they may be. People don’t understand that emotions are choices. I myself sometimes do not understand that emotions are choices. If I’m experiencing a particular emotion, I don’t always step back to say to myself, but what other options are at my disposal? Yes, I’m worried. Yes. It’s five o’clock. Yes. I can’t take care of that right now. Do I know that? Have I tried? Have I made the call? Have I checked him? Okay, now that I know that it’s true. And it’s, it’s beyond what I can do right now. It is now out of my control. And I have to simply accept that fact. craft a plan for when things do open back up for solution and let it go until then. And then yeah, you know what, I’m worried about that. And someone might need to just listen to you be worried, not try to fix it, not try to tell you not to be worried. Just let you express it. And then you work yourself through a place where you realize you know what, I can do anything about it now. So I’m going to go enjoy what I can be in control of what I can be. And the next day, I’m going to jump on top of that and try to be as efficient and calm a problem solver as I can be. And in the end all will be well. And if things are not well, then it isn’t the end. Hmm.

Yeah, I went to bed at 815 last night anyway.

Did you woke up at four because of worry. Or you’re just tired. Tired?

No, no, I did not worry myself to sleep to slumber. I fell asleep at 815 woke up at four ish to take care of the baby.

Yeah, just stay up. Yeah. Well,

I think I did. But you can I literally have been so tired as has Megan. Have you ever been so tired that you don’t know if he fell asleep or not? Like it? It feels like I remember I don’t know. Again? Our covered up covered up like with blankies Yeah, with blankies after I finally got the kid to bed covers people call it your covers. Buying keys in my house is blankies Yeah,

come the comforter. Yeah, Blinky comforter is the word assigned to the Holy Spirit. The Paraclete Greek. That’s a sweet image, isn’t it? The Holy Spirit’s the comforter? Yep. When you think about being under your comforter. Do you have a weighted blanket? No. Says it helps with anxiety. Really? Yeah. Maybe you need a thunder shirt. Is this real? Is this real now, all of what I’m saying is,

I’m getting an Amazon thunder shirt, look it up buying a TV.

So while you’re looking it up on Amazon, I’m going to just go over this five letter accurate five letter acronym again, to give people you, our listeners an opportunity to remember how it is to manage your emotions. And then a thought I’m gonna ask you why it’s so important that we do this number one in the word ruler, this is the poor dog recognize, understand, label, express, then regulate. These are the five steps to managing your emotional state. I told you the undershirts a real thing.

It’s for a dog. It has a has a beautiful Husky on the

Husky is less anxious wearing that shirt, according to their marketing messaging is awesome. I think you need a thundershirt sizzle.

Larry is like I was all about this thunder shirt notes or

do you know something that is akin to a thunder shirt for the human species is Spanx for men? Do you know what Spanx are? Yeah, they’re Spanx for men Spanx products for men. And I have a Spanx undershirt. And it is a compression shirt, which keeps all my stuff from laughing over. You know, I don’t want to have Dunlap disease where my belly button left over my belt. So the Spanx brings all of that in and makes me feel like Jason Momoa Aqua Man. And at that, I think that’s a human thunder shirt. Because I’m entirely more confident when I’m wearing my Spanx from an undershirt.

That image is so funny. I’m so confident just I want to be as muscular as Jason Momoa. No, you don’t know I don’t because I don’t want to be. We were just talking about that kind of about how if we spent three weeks in the gym, we could dunk a basketball, maybe? Oh, yeah, yeah, you could or what do we need to do to become president, it’s like, find what you love, and then just be nerdy about it?

Well, the thing about it is these these people who work out at that level for movies, they are there to get a particular shot. And when you watch videos, or read articles about this, they will like Dwayne Johnson talks a lot about this on his Instagram feed, where you will die in a particular way for a couple of days in order to get a particular shot of the body, like the body can’t stay at that level, for longer than this very short period of time. No matter what you’re doing. You can’t you can’t keep eating that way and working out that much to get that shot every day. It is a once every few weeks kind of thing. And so when they’re filming these movies, they have to really kind of regiment that it’s pretty, pretty interesting. I don’t know why anybody would put themselves into that I would play 17

spoons of JIFF peanut butter,

I would play the role of Santa Claus and Winnie the Pooh primarily. Stay away from superheroes at all costs. Unless you’re in a bodysuit, like Superman or Batman. Yeah, wouldn’t it be awesome Milton,

I want that. I’m gonna get that. I’m gonna just get it

shouldn’t have a suit, you should have a superhero outfit for the funeral director form of a business suit where it has all the six pack and the biceps and the traps and but it’s a suit. But it’s a body suit.

I’m gonna look and see if that’s on Amazon.

Why do you think it’s important that people manage their emotions? Well, especially in the context of work, workplace and relationships?

I think reactivities ugly. Now I think not managing one’s emotions causes reactiveness.

How long would it take you to look at your your news feed on Facebook in order to see an evidence of reactivity?

I mean, I could probably just open the app, it’d be immediate wouldn’t want to present. The very first meme you

see would be reactivity. I’m gonna run a test. Okay, I’m opening one common social media site. Okay, that has recently dropped $9 billion in worth, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook. And the very first meme, I’m going to look at the very first meme that I see. Internet here in the studio. Nope. Awesome, because it’s clearly not working.

While Dr. Carroll does that, we want to take a moment. And thank this beautiful sponsor.

Yeah, there’s no internet. It’s not work. You can use mine. Just make one app I’ll never know. So

what’s your sassy woman quote?

Oh, yeah, so I’ve seen this. I don’t know what that is. I don’t either. A lot of these are in French. I think I’ve been I’ve been hijacked and hacked anyway. At the end of the day, people are full of reactivity.

Well, I mean, anything political you’re going to get hurt. activity when UK plays and loses, you’re going to get reactivity.

Yeah. And it’s really unhelpful in relationships, whether they be romantic relationships, whether they be parent child relationships, whether it be extended family relationships. reactivity is a symptom of unmanaged anxiety. And if it’s unmanaged, then that means it is by nature, unrecognized, misunderstood, not labeled, not expressed. And as a result, unregulated. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be the person who does not understand what is going on inside of him at any given moment, I want to be so keenly and demonstrably and intentionally aware of what’s going on in me at all times. And to be able to understand what that’s about. express it in a healthy, appropriate way. Give it a name. Because once you name something, you strip it of its power. Right, right. And then to be able to regulate it in a powerful way. Within the context of my relationships. I want to be able to be that person. Am I always know, am I sometimes? No, no, I am sometimes. Yeah. But not as not always. I’m just not I mean, nobody is that good. But you, I think wanting to be is a pretty powerful first so

leg up in it, isn’t it? Not in? Isn’t that so gross?

I don’t understand in our culture, why people can’t pronounce words that have two T’s in them. Like you’ll hear people say, but yeah. Cause like, like, I don’t do you hear that? Sometimes? But yeah, yeah. No, it’s It’s mutton. It’s cotton or cotton? It’s not caught air. We’re watching The Bachelor, I admit. Yes, I know you do. And his name is Colton, and half the females on the show column cola. Cut yourself a wood. What did you just say? Because it sounded like maybe we need to bleep that out.

Colton. You’re so funny.

So anyway, it’s a problem. For me. It’s a problem for me. What would you do differently this morning? And last night, if you were trying to be more intentional about managing your emotions,

not answered my phone. I mean, I think I would have really sat on the fact that is after five o’clock, and just been okay with the fact that there’s nothing I could do. Yeah. And that World War Three is not started. And the business isn’t crumbling over that situation. As it is far, there have been far more intense things that have happened that we’ve overcome.

Right? So we’re okay. Okay, that’s

what I would have done.

Well, I want to plug the importance of dealing with your emotions will, especially in the context of your relationships, the way you deal with your emotions, shapes, everything that matters, shapes, your actions, shapes, your relationships, shapes, your career, your health, and your happiness. According to Harvard psychologist Susan David, emotional agility is the ability to apply the right emotion to the right person in the right situation, and at the right time. It’s a process that excuse me, enables you to navigate life’s twists and turns with self acceptance. Clear sightedness and an open mind does not mean ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s about holding them loosely, facing them courageously with compassion, and then moving past them to ignite some change in your life. What would it look like for you? Nathan Morris of Yoda trying to hold that worry loosely. Face it courageously with compassion and move past it to ignite change. Walk us through that?

Well, the first one would be holding it loosely. I mean I guess I just I go to immediately, like not being so wrapped up in that, like that.

You know? I don’t know, I don’t think I’m as elegant with my words, Dr. Carroll to paint this picture. But, you know, when I realized I was worried or stressed about it instead of just like starting to hug that, if that makes sense. So hugging it, there’s no visual. It’s almost kind of like I gave it a pat on the back. Mm hmm. And then they went on to their fourth period class. Mm hmm. So there’s that

rather than embrace and hold on to correct Watching it come watching it go Correct. That’s part of what mindfulness means I think, okay, watching it come watching it go, help, even with emotions.

So the next part would be

facing that emotion courageously with compassion.

I mean, being gentle, you talk about being gentle with yourself. I’m a human being. There’s a lot riding on this, you know, you’ve got 40 families in the circle, and not counting the hundreds or 1000s of families externally that you’re caring for. So that’s what’s on my shoulders. So I need to be a little bit more tender with myself. Good.

You know, and

that, that’s my answer for that part.

And the last part is moving past it.

Well, next time, this situation occurs, I think I can quickly put these into place so that I can move quickly on Well, moving past it also means today, here I am, you know, less than 12 hours later, and we have a solution. And we’ve kind of just, it’s just a moot point. Mm hmm. So maybe get to this point quicker. Right. And yesterday,

that’s the goal. Yeah. To shorten that gap. Yeah. Between reactivity and thoughtful, reasoned response. And I think people tend to collude those two things, as if they are the same thing. But reactivity is not responsiveness or responsibility reactivity is knee jerk. It is, you know, kind of immediate, automatic, involuntary, and all of us are subjected to that. The secret is to push pause, step back, figure out what is a thoughtful, reasoned and reasonable response to what’s going on? What do I think? How do I feel? What do I want to do? What do I need? From my own treasure trove of resources to face this thing head on? And then what do I need to do to be able to let go so that I can be free? I mean, that the the key words here are emotional agility? When you think of agility? What do you think? Bobbin weaving quick moving by and weaving. Yep. Right. Cut and cross those. Remember those? Do you play basketball? Suicide? Yeah, we used to do these V cuts. And, you know, it was it was a constant drill, being able to go hard, right, stop on a diamond cut hard left, you know, this was our plays were made of these V cuts. That’s agility you think of the, the dog shows where there’s the agility contest for dogs, you know, being able to jump and run and cut watching horses, cutting horses, where a horse will be able to stop on its front to hooves, and try to gather a calf in the corral. By the way it moves. That stuff’s really beautiful. If you haven’t seen it, YouTube cutting horses, like they’re, they’re really beautiful. It’s an art. That’s agility. Emotional agility is being able to do that hold

on at your heart. How on God’s green earth? Did you stumble upon cutting horses on YouTube? You’re flying in bed, in your weighted blanket in your lovely room, and you’re sitting here on your iPad, like, huh, coaching or something?

Well, let’s be clear. I don’t have a weighted blanket. Oh, okay. Secondly, I get to interact with people from all walks of life and I know a person Okay, they’re my work. Okay. Who trains horses for cutting? Okay.

Okay, there we go. You should look it up. It’s beautiful. I mean, okay. Yeah. Well, you make your point again, as I was, I was just really perplexed.

It’s about agility. Okay, emotional agility, being able to cut and bob and weave emotionally. Why do we allow ourselves to get so bogged down in whatever negative emotion we happen to be feeling in that moment? Because we’re dumb. Why don’t we allow that to be the story that we tell ourselves? Why do we allow that heaviness that weight hiddenness the gravity of that situation? To determine our mood, which in turn determines our response or our reaction? Why don’t we know we have other options, we have other options. Agility is that light on your feet, always moving ability to read a situation and cut to where you need to go with very little effort. And we can do that at the level of the heart. We can do that emotionally. It just takes some training, some practice. And that’s why I think it’s important for people to have this acronym ruler in their pockets. And you’ve got to know what the letters stand for. Recognize it, understand, understand it, label it, express it and regulate it. That’s how you learn to be quick on your feet emotionally, and to not let that heavy weighted gravity. pull you down. but you’re able to fly knowing that yeah, this is not an ideal situation. But we’ll find our way through. Here’s the emotion that I’m going to choose. Here’s what I’m going to label that. Here’s how I’m going to express that I understand what it’s going to do. Now I’m going to manage it. Agility, emotional agility. It’s the key, I think, to the healthiest relationships possible.

I’m a visual learner. I picture a basketball player just all over the court. Yeah, that’s that’s exactly what I picture and I’m going cutting horses and I just don’t yet but I’m gonna. Alright everyone, get on your phone. So this episode is your homework assignment. Look up cutting horses search cutting horses on YouTube,

and watch the NFL Combine. And watch these players do their cut left. And before they make that long run, you know that that or basketball that that that pump fake. There are there are a couple of players that right out there right now who do not play for the NFL, who can beat any player out there because they have dominated the pump fake they know exactly how to cut, how to move, how to come back and how to shoot without

talking about sports. Yeah, this

is the on the uncharted territory in our podcast, but I used to play I used to play sports in school. So it’s a

wild part of my life. You are impressive. Always my friend.

I want to thank you and thank our listeners.

I thought you’re thanking me only. But I think our listeners too. Yeah.

This has been good. I appreciate it. I’m gonna take this and put it to work in myself. I’m going to take it to heart and I’m going to become more agile at at the heart level at the emotional level. Well,

thank you guys, guys. You’re left far more than you’ll ever know. This is your time.