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Ep 59 – Tapas and Trust

He smelled that. No sarcasm. Oh, sarcasm. Ripping of the flesh. Yeah, but it was fine. Yeah, it is. Feels good in a weird twisted sort of way. Oh,

weird. Hey, welcome home. Glad to be back. Should I say hola buenos Starr days? Stop being No, I’m happy I’m Well, I’m glad you’re back.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I don’t know any more Spanish after four years? Yeah, well, it turns out that it will come back to you. Because it came back to me a little bit enough to be able to be conversant about food and transportation, which was pretty awesome. And I have to say, I’m making a commitment to deepen my knowledge of Spanish as a result. Yeah, but your inability to get around in the United States of America. Estados Unidos, in other words, your inabilities or your your reminder will probably in Barcelona, yeah. Oh, of course. I mean, we’re looking at I’m looking at Google. I’m looking at a map. And I’m like, joy, can you tell me what these things say? And she’s like, Yeah, we need to go this way. Yep. She’s right. It’s funny. Did you scream at the at the football game football game? No. And that is actually going to be the topic of our next podcast. So great segue. You’ll hear more about that. FC Barcelona vs. Espanyol football match at our next podcast episode. What number are we on? I have, I think 5959. So number 60. will be about that. Because I have some interesting observations that we have made together about that experience. And I want to share those with you and get your thinking on that. Who are you pointing to? You said we join us. Okay. Yeah, he was she was there with me. I was pointing to this invisible person on the right hand. Yes, me. Yeah, yes. Well, how are you? I’m good. Happy birthday. Thank you. Nathan had a birthday on April 3. April 5, really, but I like to say it’s the third. Saturday, April 5. But it was Friday, April 5. I mean, I’m so far ahead of myself. Time, buddy. What time is it right now for you Friday, April 5, is it 1119 At 511 15 PM? It’s Yes. Are you tired right now? Yes. I’m exhausted. Exhausted all day, actually. So happy birthday. How was it? It was a really good birthday. Normally it’s doom and gloom for me because I get depressed. Not probably what is wrong with my mic today? In the podcast studio, there are these two huge golden numeric balloons sometimes Nathan is 34. And sometimes he’s 43. It just depends on when you look at it. But no, it was a good birthday. I felt good. I’m excited. With all the stuff that’s happening in my career. And yeah, our business and then we got this really cool map here. Explain the map. It’s it’s it’s a Moore’s family homes. It’s beautiful map of Kentucky portions of Indiana. I’m trying to look at it. So talking to the microphone. But you can have with these golden pins. We’re going to locate where in which we have our homes and love it communities we’re serving. So all the team got together and got that for me. So thank you. Thank the team. Yeah, very cool. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, belated as it may be. Thank you. April 3 to the fifth 1985. So anyway, I wondered if you had some things on your mind today? Because it seems like you might I mean, yeah, I do. But those are things that we talked about before we hit record. Oh, yeah. So I never know when you hit record. So that’s, yeah, that’s why I had never No, never. I said I promised I would let you know you’ve been good at that. Well, I didn’t really tell you this time, but you’re watching. How important do you think trust is in relationships? 100. It’s 100%. It’s so important. Is it the thing? That’s a good question. I don’t I don’t know how I can say yes, because everything else stems from trust. I’d say it’s the thing for me right now. That’s the thing. If you had to flesh out what love meant, I think trust would be the first thing I would say yeah. Because love, you know, can be a feeling but really love is a verb. And I think it’s a much more important, contributing factor to healthy relationships, when it’s not seen as a feeling but when it’s seen as a verb, something that you do, and I think the things that you do, the practices that make love possible include trust, and being trustworthy, and being honest and being committed. And being a good friend, being present, really listening well. Having empathy, showing admiration and fondness off the top of my head. That’s what love looks like to me. Trust being trust being the foundation. Before we dive into that you can trust ladies and gentlemen that I’m Nathan Morris. Oh yeah, I’m Jonathan Carroll. This is episode 59 of you’ll die trying a podcast. I love it. So dive in. And let’s dive into trust. Let’s

do that. Okay, let’s do this. Let’s start from the business side of things. I trust that the people that we have in place are going to do the job and do it well. And we give every one of our employees a job description, yeah. And a handbook and a handbook, and a name tag on the name tag and a pin and all that onboarding packet. And trust is implicit in all of that in the suit alone, because think about think about how important that is like, Okay, you have a name tag, with the logo of this business on the left hand side, and the person’s name on the right hand side, meaning that person is a representative of that brand of that business of that location of that home. That’s a huge act of trust, giving someone that name tag. Yeah, I have a trust that you’re going to represent me. With the utmost integrity. Yeah. And these people, they go to events all the time. And, you know, I just have to trust that I can’t live in this perpetual state of concern and worry, because it’s on me. And you know, you in this instance, too, of hiring the right people. Yeah. And, you know, I don’t want to live like that. I think that we’ve done a good job of that. I do now, I definitely think that yeah, I think that we’ve had some kinks to get worked out. But I don’t think that if you don’t trust somebody or something or whatever, I don’t think he should. I don’t know, I’m just don’t think it should be something that you’re a part of. What’s the antidote? To the lack of trust? How do you go for it without severing a relationship? Say in business? What’s the antidote? How do you come back from a place of non trust? I think both parties have to have that verbal agreement, and understanding and then say, hey, here are the ground rules for you staying on as a staff member or as a part of this team and family? Okay. Okay. And then from there, it’s like, here are the rains again, and we’re just gonna, you know, roll until proven proven otherwise. Yeah, that’s a that’s a this is a tough conversation. This is Yeah, it’s hard. I mean, I think that you have the only way to get over, not trusting someone is to trust them. That’s pretty much it. Yeah. I mean, there’s no in my world. And in my way of thinking, there is no alternative. If you don’t trust someone, and you’re trying to get over that you have to trust them. You have to give them something to trust them about and then do it. It’s not like that in most other cases. And oftentimes, there are other remedies or paths to reconciliation or healing. But I think when it comes to trust, it’s, you have a choice? Either you do or you don’t. If you don’t, is it really a relationship? If you do, let’s move forward. Oftentimes, though, when there’s been some reason why someone doesn’t trust another there, there is this constant looking backward. And I tell people all the time, leave my office, and drive wherever you’re going, but use only your rearview mirror to get there. And see how far you get without, you know, hitting something, or someone can’t drive looking backwards. So how it works. That’s a great analogy. So I think that relationships in business, and I guess all relationships really must look forward. I say this to people all the time to who are in relationship therapy. You cannot have a successful and healthy relationship that matters. If someone or both people in that relationship are bringing up the past. You said that I think in a previous podcast, too, I feel like you’ve said that before but crap, that means I’ve said everything. No, no, I’ll just recycle. I’m remembering. I think that’s great. Yeah, I think that’s great that you’re bringing that back up. That is a great point. Yeah, you can’t. You can’t talk about the past and expect that you’re going to move forward with any success. And forgiveness means letting go, relinquishing letting go of holding someone accountable to that passed and saying, I believe that you can do better do differently just as I have someone’s believed in me that I could do differently and do better. We all say that to one another all the time. I think if you’re a believing person, then God is saying that to us all the time. I think our parents said that to us all the time. You, you’re my child, do it better next time. We mess up. Okay. Do it better next time? Sure. There are consequences try to do better next time. Right?

Somehow, though, in business, and even in romantic relationships, it’s not as easy. It’s people get hurt. And they they wall up. And they guard themselves. And really, they’re not locking other people out as much as they’re locking themselves in. And I don’t think you can go anywhere that way. Trust, and that brings in the whole concept of transparency, you know, just being completely open being an open book. That’s hard to do. I don’t really think so. You don’t struggle with that? I do. Yeah. I’ll do. Yes. Yeah. I give too much information on things sometimes. Like, I’m to my mom, I’ve said this. As I always said, when I was growing up, you tell too much. You just say too much. You could have left it at that. But you kind of take it a little step further. Yeah. Yeah, I am hard to probably get in let in. So maybe the transparency aspect is maybe not as true. We think. Good. That’s good. It is good to beat maybe that way, right? Well, I mean, no, it’s good to be honest about oh, you’re like, yeah, it’s great. That’s great that you’re close enough. Yeah. I’ll say Oh, yeah. No, I’m saying good for you for admitting that. I think that’s definitely true of me. I mean, I struggle with constantly which, you know, which has to do with image crafting, and making sure people see what we want them to see. And when we’re transparent, we lower the walls and people see past them. And oh, look, it’s actually it’s just me, you know, the guy behind the curtain. It occurs to me too. This is in relationship to a conversation we had another day, another episode about perfectionism. And I think that people who aren’t transparent oftentimes are trying to craft an image and display it, making people see what they want them to see. And oftentimes, we want that image to be perfect. And I think that’s because of our insecurity. I think perfectionism is a function of insecurity.

Discuss perfectionism. Okay, then that means I’m insecure. Okay, dang it. Thank you, as you said to some little lady on Saturday it was

at I don’t remember what I even did have something super small. We’re talking. Oh, I spelled Eileen wrong. You can spell Eileen numerous ways. The loved ones family we were caring for I spelled Eileen wrong, because I normally ask every family member and I was like, I got this one. I le Annie. She was like, I printed all the paperwork out she said, was it E I L E I L? E N? O? Gosh, Eileen, she’s so sweet. And I was like, I’m so sorry. She gets no big deal. But inside I was oh, upset about it. Because it’s a big deal to me. I mean, I always say it’s important to call people by their real name. Yeah. You know, Hey, bud, that’s lazy, because you didn’t pay attention to me. Unless I am actually saying just hey, but but I know your name. She was fine with it. My point is, is I’m acknowledging the fact that I think that I’m insecure about that kind of thing. I want to be perfect. Yeah. And you know, that you can’t be I can’t be. And now that you know that there’s this relationship between perfectionism and insecurity. What do you think about that? say some more about that. I think it’s in it’s important for me to acknowledge the fact that I’ll never be perfect and remind myself of that on the daily I’d be okay with messing up because Dean mitten said to me in the hearts the other day, there’s literally nothing you can do about it. It was about this some other thing that we were talking about when you unrelated to a funeral or anything, we’re just talking about life. He’s like, there is literally nothing you can do about that. Yeah. Like no, there’s not. Feels good to know that too. Because then turn off the worry. You’re like, Well, I mean, there’s no need to worry about it because I can’t change it literally can’t do anything about that. That is like a really freeing statement. There is literally nothing I can do. And when people decide they want to continue to worry about things that are well beyond their control. I mean, that truly is a choice that they’re making and I don’t understand stay in that swimming pool. Yes, that cesspool. Yeah. That swirling eddy of sewage of oh my gosh, what if what if what if what if We were traveling back, and there was a chance that we would not make our connection. And we looked at each other, and we’re like, well, we could worry about that. Or we could not worry about that and just do the best we can and like, no one’s gonna let us off the plane. First, we’re not going to sprint to the front of the customs line, we’re not going to get special, you know, we’re just gonna have to do what everybody else does, and hope for the best. And we did our part, you know, we fast walked. And I’m really unattractive when I fast walk. I’d like to see the security but but we made it. And we walked right up and they were boarding it was perfect timing. But you know, these large airports, you got to take a train, go all the way around, and you have to check get your bags and recheck them. Because you’ve had to come back in from another country and all this stuff. So it’s a process. And the flight is in and on the plane was so nice. And she’s like, allow 40 minutes. Okay, good. Well, we have an hour and 20. Well, the plane left late arrived on time, but at sit on the tarmac. Short story is we’ve made it worrying didn’t help us make it and had we missed it. Worrying would not have helped us make it right. So why spend your energy that way? I don’t I don’t. Literally I don’t understand that choice. So when you personally find yourself starting to worry about something. What do you do? I talked to myself, like compartmentalize it and be like, okay, really? I asked myself, okay, first of all, I probably should be worried about this, because I think anybody else in my situation would have a little bit of worry about this. Okay. What about it? Can I control? Well, I could have done this could have, okay, I could have would have should have could have all day long, you know, but I tell people all the time don’t should on yourself. So the past is behind you. There’s nothing you can do about that. Yeah, that’s great for learning do something different in the future right now? What are you going to do? Well, I can’t control this. I can’t control that. Really honestly. Worrying just makes me feel like I can do something in a situation in which I’m otherwise helpless. I would rather feel helpless than worry. helplessness is so I can understand. I can’t understand worry. I don’t like it. I grew up around a lot of worry. I’m a natural worrier. I don’t want to worry. So I just tell myself, if you can’t control it, let it be let it go. And so I do on my best days. I think that are you worrying about anything today? No, that feels good, doesn’t it? Yeah, that’s really I feel bad actually saying why? Because there are so many people out there who are worried about really important things right now. Like but you, you acknowledge them just now. So isn’t that good? Well, I mean, it doesn’t change anything, but I couldn’t change anything. Anyway, I’m helpless to change anything. So I just need to own up to my own experience, which is, I’m not carrying around a whole lot of worry right now. No.

Well, that’s good. I’m glad for you. Are you? Yes. Perfect. Let’s one thing you’re worried about. Let’s deconstruct literally, that. Just really dumb things. There’s a leased vehicle that’s coming into our fleet, but it’s not the fleet color. So do we can we exchange it would happen there? They just didn’t get the memo. Yeah, okay. Yeah, let’s so too, can we exchange it and not be out any money? Or do we have to write it out? And that’s really stupid to even be concerned about that. That is literally the dumbest thing in the entire world. So I mean, that’s, that’s it. That’s what I was concerned about. Okay. Yeah. Have you decided what you’re going to do? Could we paint it? We could paint it together. Yeah, spray painted. That will slowly be a really dumb idea. Oh, that’d be a very dumb idea. Feeling good about that. One. I was worried about my assistant getting things done, but everything that I’ve asked her to do has been done like, with literally so dumb. Why? Like, she knows what she’s doing. Like, can I just let her ride and roll? Trust? Boom, boom, and I don’t normally have a hard time trusting people. I really don’t. Yeah, I have a hard time with delegating. That’s not true. I do. But keep going. Okay, at a moment of self evaluation and reflection I have a hard time delegating and it’s not because I don’t trust them to get the job done. It’s just that I guess you know, you can psychotherapy myself. That’s a really terrible word analogy or what sentences just happen I don’t know. I don’t know now my eyes really itching I feel like I’m in a pollen field. Your eyes have been itching recently maybe something in this room probably the balloons but it was before the balloons could be the rug the rug brand new just pulled it up. Maybe it is the rug maybe the rug straight straight from the pollen factory. Like they soaked it in pollen. Anyway, my point was is that I was saying I have a hard time delegating, but it’s not because I truly don’t trust to get it. Maybe it is. I think it is. Gosh, dang it. This is the dumbest podcast I ever gets a trust issue. Well, because if if you’re worried that the person isn’t going to get something done on time, then you’re you don’t believe in that person. But I do, I believe is speaking personally to the word Fidelity has its roots, the word fi days, which means to trust. And I think we don’t believe fidelity is a function of the word belief in another language. We don’t believe in them because we don’t trust in them. Trust in them. Ultimately, that’s what faith is. It’s trust. It’s not knowledge. It’s not even love yet. It’s trust. And if we don’t trust in someone to be able to get it done, then we don’t think that they will. takes time to trust. Maybe we shouldn’t trust so quickly. Yeah, it’s a good idea. I tend to trust rather quickly. But much it’s like not real full on trust. Like my I do not trust well. Yeah, I’m terrible at it. You trust me? Yes, of course I did. I wanted to pregnant. Really, really big add on that. And no, no, yeah. Trust you. Okay. But it’s hard. It I mean, we’ve also been working together for a few years now. So we’ve got that history behind us. It’s, it’s over three years, buddy. It’s like, almost, it’s almost ready to go to kindergarten. No, it’s preschool. Yeah, preschool is good, though. That’s good. Because you get to learn how to like paint with your hands and stuff. Aesop’s Fables carrot girl might do. Anyway, so we need I do think that there needs to be more trust. I think that there’s a lot of hurt. And I think hurt brings sadness and grief which brings anger and pain and that prevents people from trusting and relationships crumble. Well, Alyssa, my executive Sister, if you’re not listening, he did not bring grief. Sorry. You’re just, you’re just new newly hired and we’re learning. She’s great at what she does a job. Yeah, absolutely. Great job. So I want to say a word then about trust and how valuable that is as an asset and how hard it is to come by. And when you have someone’s trust how sacred that that holy possession is, you know, when someone trusts you take that seriously, right? And don’t handle it

lightly. And if you do drop it, and when you pick it back up, and you’re dusting it off, or Yeah, piecing it back to using it back together, you know, realize that, that is a delicate, delicate thing and get it back to as perfect as it once was. It’s hard I get it. Trust is a tough thing. I mean, we’re just talking about it with employees. I just acknowledge the fact that I don’t delegate well, because I don’t trust Well, I guess so. I’m gonna work on that. You should work on that. I definitely need to work on them. The list of things I need to work on. It’s just continues to told you when it comes to work on self, we’re never unemployed. Yeah, I got a letter in the mail today handwritten letter from I would assume and hold gentlemen. Just basically four pages worth of berating me. Really? Yep. One of our locations. Just wanted to let me know how terrible I was. For what he he there is a there is a local, there’s a local right to life chapter, which I am for life. And I have supported it financially for a number of years. And there is a local chapter at one of our locations that I was unaware of, because it’s a smaller location. You know, there’s a larger location in Owensboro which right to life phones, bro, you know, they have the big banquets and so forth. Anyway, they wanted to let me know that they’re disappointed in me for not having contributed to that. To that, and that, that makes me absent that I’m an absent leader there. No. which falls on deaf ears, because that’s entirely farce because, you know, good and well that we’re all over the place. Well, as we’ve discussed before, you have 100% control of how much of that you want to I impact you actually wrote a letter back handwritten letter back Absolutely. I said thank you for your trust, because he acknowledges prearranged with us now I appreciated that. And then stated the fact that you know, we, as humans do the best we possibly can every day and it’s my life’s work to show people that they’re loved and cared for and also told them to please send me a letter for that from that local chapter as I would love to contribute to it because it’s no no letter has ever crossed my desk. So receive that probably be piece by that truthfully, do you feel like it was a successful transaction transaction? Yeah, I mean, it was. I didn’t take it personal. I kind of laughed it off because it’s not about you. It’s definitely not about me. That’s right. So I just wrote my letter of love back, I think a handwritten letters a dying art that needs to continue. Yeah. So yeah, those kinds of things happen from time to time.

Got a nice little couple of books. You picked one up earlier that my mom had gotten me yeah, oh, journal right. It’s just kind of like a daily tasks of since we’re on the topic of writing this morning, and I got here at 734, I put my first entry in there and, and wrote what I was doing for the day and just different things, I’ll be able to refer back to that down the road, maybe the kids can see it and see my handwriting and how all over the place. I was kind of like this podcast, right? Well, I wanted to bring up a little something speaking of the podcasts and how we’re, you know, we’re following it where it goes, I think that’s what’s interesting about what we do is that we’re not interested in you know, kind of scripting out this philosophical thing to hand to people that’s packaged and said, Here, consume this, it’s like, here’s where we are, you’re welcome to journey along with us, or you’re welcome to hit that, you know, 1015, or 32nd, speed button, whatever is there. And it occurred to me, when we were in Spain, a very popular way of eating there is called tapas, t a pas tapas. And so you’ll run into all these top areas where they will have you know, beer and wine and spirits. And they’ll have a menu. But they’ll have all these foods out on top of glass shelves with toothpicks in them. And you get to just walk by, and you just pick one up off of all these and there’ll be things like salmon, or squid, or chicken or steak, you name it, or vegetables, maybe some mozzarella or all kinds of things, right. And you just pick pick pick. And as you gain, how many pounds did you gain? Well, I’m gonna leave that leave that to life. But anyway, you pick all these things up, and you put the toothpicks in this little thing on your table. And that’s how you pay, they count your toothpicks. And they charge you it’s a flat rate per toothpick. So you don’t have to have this, this entree, which actually is French for beginning, but we use it for main meal. So when you’re in Europe and entrees your appetizer but you don’t pay for this big plateful of food, you get all these little things on served on little slices of bread or you know other things like that. And you bring them to your table and you eat them. And they’re meant to be shared. So I would have a bite. And I would reach over and give joy the other bite. And then she would have a bite of her say, croquette or olives like some amazing, wonderful foods, right? And then she would reach over and give me the other bite, we just do that. And then when we go up and get some more, there’ll be other people near us. Because the tables are really close. Sometimes you’re at the same table and you’re sharing with other people. And you’re talking with people and getting to know people so great. And then you pay by toothpick. Well, I kind of think that that’s a metaphor for our podcast. Like, we have these little snippets of things that we share. And we taste and we see and we enjoy. And then we go to the next thing. And we go to the next thing and we’re getting to know each other and we’re hopefully allowing other people to get to know us. And I noticed what kind of community is built up around a tapas meal, because everyone’s doing the same thing. And everyone’s talking about all this is really good. People will bring around a tray of fresh ones and every one at the same table or same regions like oh, how was it? Did you like it? Yeah, you should get it so I’ll get it and then the other person gets it. I kind of feel like that’s what we’re doing here I just what’s happening so we’re doing these tiny little meals, 2030 Minute Meals, have these little conversations of which there could be so much more set right so much more read and studied and so much better said but we’re just getting a taste. And then we’re moving on to the next one just to make sure that we get a full breadth of experience and knowledge and understanding of so much of what life is like and as a result we’re kind of building a community so that’s nicely said here’s to the top us of our of our class thank you all so much for coming every single time. Time and again to listen to what it is Dr. Curl and myself have to discuss and converse about. I want to try something I want to try something okay. You didn’t you don’t know that I’m doing this. I have no idea. Before I try this. I

want to say be sure to visit you’ll die training.com Be sure to visit facebook.com forward slash he’ll die trying or email us at he’ll die trying podcast@gmail.com And be sure to click five stars on that review. We would love it and appreciate it. I want to try something so we’re in the gift we’re giving people you and myself we’d like to do things I got this idea and want to try it. So circling back to trust the beginning of this podcast. I want you as the listener to trust that should you partake in this that these dollars will go to good use. But I want you I’m going to share a Venmo account with you. Nathan Morris Morris. And if you feel the need to give Dr. Carolyn myself are going to come up with a unique way to spend these dollars to give to someone or something in need. And you can trust and rest assured that we will do that. So at Nathan Morris Morris, consider giving maybe a penny or $1. And we’re going to put it to good use. So we’re going to get creative because I think it’s really important to start in your community and help your community. And so we’re gonna think on some unique creative ways to give and to love on those around us. And that’s my encouragement for you for today. Definitely also tell someone about this podcast. Yeah, share the news. Thank you for listening. I’m Jonathan. I’m Nathan. This is your data