Ep 76 – Forrest Clark is Here

Unique New York. Yeah.

What else did he say?

He’s the the arsonist has oddly shaped feet. Who’s that? Anchor? Will Ferrell? No, I never saw that Ron Burgundy.

I watched the other guys last night because I like watching mindless movies from time to time. You know, I’m a big documentary watcher Schindler’s List like these really deep, painful films and you know when I watch something stupid, Mark Wahlberg and Wilfer all together are so ridiculous like dirty Mike and the boys thanks for letting us use your pre is

that’s the way I said I said yesterday and work I’m still training as a server legends and like though the guys were like, are you still training man? You haven’t started yet? I’m like, No, I looked at one of them. I said a peacock. You kind of let me

fly man. That’s in the movie. Yeah, let

me fly. He’s like peacocks don’t fly there flightless birds throughout the movie and then it like the movie ends with a peacock flying through the air.

I was gonna say are peacocks flightless birds?

I don’t know if there’s the other guy has a good reference.

Yeah, well, one or two species that are

John my brother who is filled with almost a mindless but useless knowledge and comes up to me one day and tells me the entire story about how peacocks actually in the wild are doomed. Because they’re so beautiful. And they stand out. They’re like, Oh, look at me eat me and so they get eaten. So they’re better in captivity at zoos for us to enjoy and appreciate over Tigers biting their heads off. Very interesting. Yeah.

How can we talk a lot about peacocks but not about P hens. I guess in the same way we talk a lot about chickens but not a lot about roosters.

You know that? There’s no such thing as I mean, there’s a root p hens. Yes.

The peacock is a nail. P hen is the female.

i Ladies I just stared at you for like a good solid. I didn’t know that was it? I didn’t know.

Hey, I want to say welcome. My name is Jonathan Carroll.

I’m Nathan Morris.

And this is I am forest clerk forest. Clark is here in the studio with us today as a guest of yield die trying I’m so excited from what I’ve just heard and learned a listener. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All the time. It’s it’s you have to binge Listen, just because you knew you’re coming on the show.

Well, I listened to it for quite a while and then I kind of listened to I go through spurts of listening to podcasts because I’ll find time and then you know, and I listened to several with like their most recent episodes, like the other night, I was driving to I forgot I was driving. I was driving like 45 minutes away to visit a buddy. And I played one and I was like, Okay, after that I’ll listen to music and then the next one queued up and you guys came in and you were both just so excited about the episode. You’re like, this is gonna be the best episode ever. And I was like, okay, you’ve got me what’s going on? And then it was both your wives were all in house like Oh, I got to listen to this one too. So I got to my destination I sat in the car and then just listen to the rest of it. And my friend was like, usually you got here a little bit later than I thought you would. I was like I got here a while ago. I was like listening to

this. It was so funny and fantastic. It drove a moment Yeah, I

did. I did I have a driveway moment. That’s sweet.

Thank you for listening. So Forrest is a rising junior yeah Murray State University Murray Kentucky far west side of the of the state of Kentucky. Yep. In Owensboro native and a comedian

he has awesome hair Ladies and Gents thank you hi there my guy

I always say like to enjoy it while I have it. That’s

yeah, it’s always a little bit different every time I see you but it’s always excellent. Thank you hired the hair the closer to God. Amen. This is not trying driver made so Nathan,

so Dr. Carroll.

How are you? Good. I feel like you’re coming in hot.

I am You are You heard that? You saw those people leaving the office? I was crazy and quiet. Stoic. Frustrated. My ears are ringing. Birds are not singing.

What’s the what’s the learning in it for you?

This too shall pass.

Okay, I hear you. Yeah, it’s fine. Forrest, how do you deal with stress?

How do I deal with stress?

How do you deal with it? Do you like it?

Um, if you’re in part thanks to you. I mean, you’re a part of the reason I’m like this, but I’m a person who like I think I manage stress really well and didn’t it doesn’t really come to me that much because I’m the kind of person that’s like, if something if I encounter some sort of difficulty, I’m just like, Okay, we’ll manage it or You know, we’ll figure out a way around it. And it just that kind of doesn’t. The thing that stresses me out the most is I think with most people are things that are out of my control. I’ll be it. One of the things you kind of taught me and I’ve kind of learned over my short life is that those are the things you probably shouldn’t stress about now. Okay. Right. But I just kind of, you know, I just try to break it down to its core components, and then just kind of examine that and just like, you know, just deal with it as it comes.

I like that. I wish that we could break stressful situations down like we do a math problem or a sentence that needs to be diagrammed. Did y’all ever diagram sentences in school?

Now I really know what you’re talking about. Really? Like subject and predicate.

Yeah, subject verb, direct object. Adjectives still had no

idea what you were talking. I

forgot about them. But I just I remember the terminology is

one of my favorite things to do. Some people solve complex math equations, but I like to diagram sentences. I like to draw pictures of I don’t know, something. I didn’t know where that was.

It was a cartoon that I’d made up in grade school. And I’ve drawn I’ve drawn him ever since you sent me a few cartoons in your day. I probably have. They’re probably not of Ed.

We won’t put those on the websites don’t. So, today, let’s talk a little bit about how to think about facts in emotionally intense situations. Okay, so good. Yeah. Okay. Nathan, you start.

Action. There you go. I did. Okay, that that’s like you’re starting us on camera. Yeah. Nice. Camera actions late. Yes.

Okay, speaking of slate. So Forrest is a thespian. He is big into well, I guess it’s actually your major, isn’t it?

Yeah. I’m a theater major with like an acting focus. It’s so fun.

I just started interactions.

Do you like improv?

I like it. I love it. I’ve seen I saw a second city. And actually I saw you. Are you guys familiar with SNL? Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. I grew up on that stuff. My parents raised me on SNL. So I was always like, really big into it. And when I was I grew up and I was like Mom and Dad, I want to be on SNL. Like I want to be, I want to be a stand up comedian or whatever. And so when I was in eighth grade, second city came to Owensboro High School, and they performed I don’t know if either of you remember that. And my uncle had tickets, and he knew that I was really into this kind of thing. So he ended up giving the tickets to me, my dad and I went and saw it. And is it Cecily Strong. That’s SNL, the kind of darker. Yeah, that’s right. She’s kind of newer in the last like, five years, she was still with Second City in Second City is, you know, one of SNL is kind of like recruitment grounds where they go and pick people up. And she actually performed at Owensboro High School, and then like, within the next like, four or five months, she was on SNL she was on the past,

that’s how it happens is gonna happen to you.

We’ll see. That’s it, whenever you kind of get into this kind of thing, you kind of have to just you can’t get rigid, you can’t have your really set mindset with what you want to do. Because it is such a kind of turbulent occupational choice. And there’s, it’s such a weird job market with like, performance, that you kind of just have to tell yourself, you know, I love this as a whole, I have a specific thing that I enjoy I acting. And you know, I’m going to end up where I’m gonna end up but you never know. I mean, one of the one of the more prominent members of Murray State alumni is WL Brown, who was a theater major. And he’s really, he’s gotten pretty successful. He was just in the highway man with Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson. And he comes back all the time, and just talks to us about stuff. And that was one of the things he always tells us, he’s like, if you want to, you know, have a career in this, you have to, He’s the same. He’s like, I was like, How can I best prepare myself for career performance? And he was like, okay, he’s like, get 10 Your best guy friends, just 10 Guys, you really trust line them, you know, line them all up, and then get in front of the first one, and that guy’s gonna hit you in the stomach as hard as he can. And then have the rest of the night do that in a row. And if you can get up after the 10th guy, then you can do it.

That’s incredible. Yeah, it’s true. It’s

all about resilience and just kind of being flexible.

Resilience, I think is the most we’ve talked about this before the most powerful dynamic of what it means to be human being definitely that we have the ability to rise up in the midst of despite and oftentimes because of our circumstances, Adversity is a test. And you know, there are people who have the thought for him the thought of public speaking brings about the anxiety, sweaty palms, rapid heart rate. But you know, you’re talking about a whole other level, not only public speaking, but performance, especially in the world of improv and or comedy. Where you know, it’s You’re you’re expected to perform and to be funny and if not, that’s harsh, but another comedian friend of mine said, you have plenty of crowds that they don’t dig you. That’s all right. You pick yourself up and you do it again.

Definitely, it’s in. And the thing is, it’s acting as though I’ve done I’ve tried stand up comedy. I was actually I was in the Mr. They every year they have a Mr. MSU pageant and a Mrs. MSU pageant. And I was in the Mr. MSU pageant, I was nominated for my fraternity out of Alpha Omega, and I wasn’t represented them and I was in the pageant I did stand up and stand up is something that I’ve loved different since I was like seven years old, like I love comics. And I did it and, you know, I’ll get in front of, you know, 1000 people in, you know, in my underwear, and you’ll do Shakespeare, and that doesn’t bother me at all. But I know what I’m going to say when I go up on stage, there are things I’ve been working on this for months and months and months. It is rehearsed, it is somewhat predictable. You kind of have to dwell in the realm of unpredictability to make a kind of natural seeming. But yeah, I know what for the most part, I know what I’m going to say I have a script, I am flying, I’ve memorized but when I went on stage, I couldn’t figure out how to rigidly rehearse comedy. It’s like there was a there’s a documentary I watched recently about Chris Farley’s life. And whenever he was in college, him and his roommate were just like, sitting in the room. And they were just like, let’s just stay upset, because they were just like, let’s be comics. And Chris Farley made like, one joke or something, it didn’t really land and after like five minutes of that he was just like, comedy is hard. And it really is, it’s it’s very, it’s very difficult, like I have such an appreciation for it. But I it’s something you really have to put the work into, and kind of like fail a lot, and then you get good at it. Whereas with a no a lot of things. But I mean, at this point acting is something that’s just easy to me. I mean, it finds I find difficulty in it, to learn from it and improve. But it is something that’s, you know, familiar and I understand and

have and you have either in my opinion, you could probably agree and a knack for it or not. I will tell you all. I don’t know if you all knew this, but I had an agency because of the whole vampire. look alike. That I grew up. Robert Pattinson of course Edward Cullen. i Everyone said I looked like him. So agency sign up, sign me up for some acting. So then Vampire Diaries just coming out. So I was getting all those auditions. Demetrio didn’t know that about me. So know that in Nashville, I have to tell on myself in regards to the difficulty of acting I was doing. I was doing a table read for actually, it was just all it was so awful. I’m embarrassed right now. So my character had to be seated at his cubicle. A rope an imaginary rope falls from the ceiling and I have to take off my tie and headphones because I was working and climb up this imaginary rope toward success. That was this whole commercial shoot was going to be about this imaginary rope. I’m like, I’m not a freakin mime. I have no idea what I’m doing. Yeah, so there’s this huge table, there’s all this fruit in the middle. All these execs are sitting around and I literally am like Moo just just awkwardly climbing this non existent rope, stop, sit down and say, Alright, thank you walked out of the room, obviously did not get that job. My point is, is I was holding myself back. I can feel that feeling right now. I’ve just you know what I’m talking about where as an actor, and again, you you’re far more seasoned than I was? And you’re like, okay, am I gonna go over this wall? Am I gonna really give it my all, you know, couldn’t push through that wall? What do you do? How do you do it? Every time

it’s Well, that’s the thing is, you don’t really enjoy acting, I think you don’t really get the most out of it until you learn to fully give yourself to it. And I think that’s the thing that acting is really cool. Because when you do it and you learn more about it, you end up learning more about yourself and the way you kind of conduct your life in your interactions with other people and acting and I think life itself too is all about you know, fully giving yourself to everything and interest engaging in things. And I’m actually this summer I’m working. My friend Greg rear opened a children’s theater up called the Bluegrass children’s children’s theatre company. I apologize gray if I’m if I said that wrong. Anyway, I’m working for her and I’m one of the lead educators and I’m going to be teaching kids and that’s one of the thing one of the things I want to teach them is that, you know, from early on, if you’re doing acting like I wish I taught myself, I knew this in high school is like, don’t be afraid to feel embarrassed. It’s if you’re going to like I do such silly things. As a 20 year old guy like in my friends, like my like fraternity brothers. They love to hear like the stories and stuff of just like kind of like the goofy stuff I do and like sweat like a lot of theater stuff. It’s just inherently like odd or strange. Like one of the strangest moments I’ve ever had was when I was in high school I went to this place called the International Thespian Festival in Lincoln, Nebraska. It’s a huge gathering of like high School Thespians from all over the world and like they bring in like professional people like the first year I went when I was a sophomore in a sophomore in high school, they brought in Alan Menken for the first night, and he gave this like presentation, the guy that did all does all the music for Disney. And they do workshops and stuff. And I went to I was like, my friend was like, oh, let’s go to workshop for us. And I was like, I hate workshops. They’re weird. And he was like, no, let’s go. And I’m like, fine. And so I went to one. And within, like, 20 minutes, that’s I was like, on my hands, there was a woman I’d never met, like holding my legs behind me. And she was pretending I was a wheelbarrow, like, kind of like walking me and I was a lawn mower. And I had to mow over my friend. And I was just like, making noises with my mouth. And then the guy was like, stop. I don’t believe that your lawn mower. And the thing is, he’s trying to impart this lesson to me about like, you know, giving yourself fully but at the time, I couldn’t get over the fact that I was like, this is silly, why am I alone what we’re right now. But that’s the thing is you just kind of have to, you have to admit to yourself that this is silly. But be okay with that. It’s hard. I think as, as in, I’ve never considered myself like a really kind of theatrical person. I’ve always considered myself kind of like, this kind of maybe awkward, slightly athletic kid that just kind of fell into theater. And it’s just something I’ve just been super passionate about. And I love now. So it’s kind of hard for me to get over that. When I’m, you know, I’m too cold to be doing this kind of hump. And I have to do that in a lot of my classes, I have to get over that kind of hump. But so essentially, long winded point, I’m sorry, I talk a lot. Long Point is, you know, you just have to admit to yourself that what you are doing is silly. But also what you are doing is just really fun, and to enjoy it and to kind of lose yourself to lose yourself. And it’s really cool, because you get to kind of reinvent your own sense of imagination. And I’m getting to rediscover an imagination I had when I was really young as an adult that I’m like, kind of reclaiming now. And I find that I look at life in a kind of a different way. Now, because I have a much more engaged imagination on a day to day basis, and you just have to engage that’s

part of the problem with adults is that we forget how to play, forget how to be silly, become very self conscious and very self aware, and not necessarily the positive sense of that, and also very serious. So when I used to lead retreats for various groups, I still do. But I did it very often, I would always have some sort of element of play. For adults sitting around tables, it might be a weekend retreat might be a serious subject matter might be a visioning or strategizing session, but I would have there would be playdough. There would be drawing equipment and instruments, there’d be all kinds of things for people to experiment a little bit with their imagination, because I think we stymie that. The older we get, you know, we, as children have no problem in the middle of the floor, surrounded by family, dancing, like we’re ridiculous, but we grow older. And we’re like, oh, we would never do that. Yeah, we don’t want him to think that we’re crazy or silly or stupid. Mm hmm. Which is so sad. So we end up taking things very seriously. As a result, we have no real sense of connection to what is innate in us, which is a kind of certain playfulness, then when we are encountered by stressful situations, or anxiety producing situations, we are not equipped to deal with them in any way other than with abject seriousness. And that’s very stressful for us. So that’s why I think it’s important for us as we encounter stress, to be able to kind of break it down to its individual parts. And to ask ourselves, like, what am I taking too seriously hear? What what is there here that I could be a little bit more playful with, in family systems theory, which is a particular way of seeing the world that I use in my practice, one of the kind of dominant ways of thinking is that playfulness will get you out of a ditch far quicker than seriousness, we’ll, I don’t mean passive aggressive, making fun of people. I mean, just taking oneself less seriously more lightly, and trying to find the humor. This is what makes comedians funny, is they take humanity, they observe it with incredible insight and accuracy. And with perfect timing, deliver a truth that they are bold or crazy enough to name we all know it’s true. We just won’t acknowledge it out loud. And because that person he or she has acknowledged it. It’s hilarious because we can relate to it. They’ve been able to break it down. Look at it, offer up something true about it. And just because it’s funny, doesn’t mean it’s any less important. I think comedians offer incredible social commentary,

who’s a comedian that you’d stuff top your head you like I really like their deliveries

I love. There’s a great guy Netflix name. He’s got this very dry. He’s not my favorite comedian, but he’s got this very dry delivery and he doesn’t hardly react to his own material at all. And it’s so his name is Todd Berry. By the way, he’s a special on Netflix called Todd berry spicy honey. And it’s like everything is so dryly delivered and he doesn’t react to it at all. And I think it just taps into this thing in me where it’s like, if someone doesn’t think they’re funny, I think they’re hilarious. It’s it’s the funniest thing. And I have a lot of friends who I just, I tell them I’m like, You’re hilarious. And they’re like, I’m not funny. I’m like you are because you don’t think you are right. And that kind of there, right. Yeah, exactly. And it’s just, it might just be my interpretation of like what I’m perceiving to be funny. But either way, but Tom Berry’s legitimately very funny. And my favorite comedian is, is a comedian named Tom segura. And I saw him he’s the only comedian I’ve ever seen. Well, other than the comedian like the headliner, will not the headliner, he was the headliner, the comedians that opened for him, I saw Tom Segura in Lexington last year, and I’d never seen a comedian. It’s something that I’ve like, loved my whole life. But I’ve never gotten to see one live. And it was amazing. I cannot recommend enough for like people that love comedy to go actually see it live. Which is weird, because I’ve been doing live theater for so long. And I just took so long to see it. But I was in there. It was this little comedy club and Lexington and it was so funny because like we were sitting at all the it was like all these little tables, and the waiters or the servers, which is kind of like come in and towards the end. They would just like crawl around and be like, do you want to drink? Do you wanna refill? And I’d be like, No, I’m fine. And like, okay, okay, and they just crawled away. There they go. Yeah, it was bizarre. And the comedians that came before him were hilarious. And the person I was with at the time, who bought me the tickets. Just knew I was obsessed with this guy’s got like three specials on Netflix. And she goes, I was watching this guy. I was just laughing and she goes, there he is. I turned around, and he’s like, standing in the door leaning up against it in the same outfit. He wears in like, all the specials. It’s like black jacket and jeans. And just like freaked out. I was like, Oh my God. And then he walks past me in his jacket brushes my arm and I was like, Oh my god. It was just the greatest moment ever. And then I saw him and like his, his material was all different. It was completely separate from his specials on Netflix was all brand new. And it was a lot of it was like very just about Lexington or Kentucky. He just ripped us to pieces. But But yeah, but it was very funny. But Tom Segura, Todd Barry. I love old stuff. I love Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks is you know, just super vulgar, but I love him.

The satellite radio channels for comedy are my favorite. If I’m not listening to podcast if I’m traveling alone, because obviously language and kids. Yeah, I’m listening to the comedy channels. They’re absolutely hysterical. My favorite comedian is Jim Gaffigan. Oh, yeah, he’s Roman Catholic. The Pope requested his audience when he came to the United States, which is pretty funny. That’s awesome. He’s totally self deprecating. He has this way of delivering your own thoughts back to you. Which he does in this high pitch voice. He has tons of Netflix specials and he’s the only comedian I’ve ever seen in person. I’ve never been to a comedy club. Not but Joy got me tickets to see Jim Gaffigan I think it was for my birthday last year. May have been for Christmas and he was in Louisville. And it was spectacular. His opener. I can’t remember his name was also hilarious. We had great seats. But the guys just he’s just hilarious. And I love it. I love everything about it.

I like African as well. I like his delivery. I like his that high pitch. Yeah, it gets me every time. I think it’s really funny. His shtick his thing. You know, a lot of comedians have this very, like vulgar and aggressive approach and like delivery rather. And it’s funny, it’s okay. It’s their thing. It’s their bit the the guy that’s in he’s on this NBC comedy show, I forget, but he’s a younger man with longer hair. And it’s kind of scoot back, but he’s always really aggressive. Chris Daliah probably think that’s is he? He’s, he’s funny, but he’s really vulgar and aggressive. You know? Like that’s a lot of people find that funny. Yeah. How do you How did you plan for your comedy? Like when I think about you know, you write all your jokes down things that are car funny, but then they are rehearsed. Yet you have to make them deliver natural. That’s hard element. Theater. That’s the

thing is you. I’ve watched maybe hundreds of comedians and and you know, I think I have just like I thought I had just had this incredible understanding of them. And I did I did stand up at when the International Thespian Festival thing when I was a sophomore in high school they had a talent show And I was like, You know what I’m gonna do stand up. It was the first time it was well technically not. I did I did in summer camp and I was like eight. And they just like everyone just thought it was hilarious. I became like, really popular at a summer camp overnight because of the stupid comedy. I did overnight sensation. Yeah, it was I was like eight years old. I felt like I felt like a celebrity. But 12 Very impressed other eight year old. Exactly. They love my observational humor about swimming. Yes. And I that I did that at the International Thespian Festival in the talent show for I think about like 50 to 100 people. And it was like the first time I’d really ever done it. And I did a story about I told a story about like, I was an altar boy. Wow, you know, I’m Catholic, and I was an altar boy. And I think one time I accidentally, like peed on my robe. I heard that. Yeah, I did. See I remember that. Yeah, yeah. And then it went pretty well. But it freaked me out. Like it was so like, my like when I am but when I did it for the Mr. MSU pageant recently, I just kind of, I just thought for like, a month or two. I just kept writing little, like jokes down on like, index cards and how just like, I would read them. And I just like, I just look at it and be like, Oh, that’s not funny. And it’s kind of like what Chris Farley said was just a comedy is hard, like, so like watching it. It’s just I think that’s one of the things that’s so appealing about it and appealing about performance in general. Is it something that’s so it looks so effortless, and I was telling my friend one of my theater friends the other day, because I’m working for the Children’s Theatre Company, and I saw one of their performances the other day at, I think it’s century Christian church. And they did this show. And there’s like this children’s show, we all sat in a circle. It was kind of like Aladdin, it was called Arabian Nights. And I told her, I was just like, it was amazing. Because even though they’re kids, me as an adult, I’m still just so impressed with that, because I don’t know the scripts they’re learning, and I don’t know what they’re about to do. So they’re doing things that I don’t know. And, you know, it’s just naturally impressive to me. And so that was the thing was when I was rehearsing this comedy routine, I was just like, how do they do it? But it was difficult to it was it was difficult to kind of memorize the jokes, but make them not sound robotic and like, like a monologue from a play. It was a lot of like, it was a lot of like crowd work, essentially. And it went pretty well. I wish it would have gone better, but it went about as well as it could have gone. I think I remember Famous last words. Yeah, it was like there was like one like kind of awful part where my heart sank because I was doing pretty well. My opening joke was kind of funny. Murray State is it has a lot of Occupational Safety and Hazard majors OSHA. And like, I think it was so stupid. I came out and I was like, I was like, hey, where am I OSHA majors that and then they were like, right here. And I was like, Alright, cool. Let’s move on kind of like the whole Jim Carrey thing where he would he would be like, How’s everyone doing tonight? All righty then moves right along. So I kind of copied that stick unintentionally, right? And then I was I was doing well. And then I did this one joke. And like, it was it people laughed a little bit. And then there was like one overly loud fraternity guy that was just like hall and I was like, Oh, that hurt my feelings now. But like, I was so nervous about it. This happens in performance. Sometimes I didn’t realize but I blacked out. You know, you get on stage. And that you start a monologue or you start doing something. And if you’re nervous enough, you will blackout and forget everything that happened. It’s a very interesting phenomenon. And so I got off stage and I talked to my parents after and they’re like that went really well. And I watched like a video of it in so it kind of came back to me but there I was like, really? I don’t remember any of it. shirts. It’s kind of it’s very odd.

Anxiety. Yeah. My heart. We’re breaking down the decks with cortisol right there. Yeah, yep. Yep.

I just think there’s something really magnificent though. You’re 20 years old. And you’re putting yourself out there from I mean, you can dissect this from a philosophical psychological all those standpoints. But I think that so many things that you have learned already, you’re putting yourself out there the preparation, all that applies to anything, absolutely everything it’s like so many people are 40 or 50. And don’t put themselves out there for fear of something for fear of a boo or ha You know, whether or not you still did it. And those are just those are magnificent things in thoughts, you know, for my 34 year old mind, sitting here with you I’m just impressed by I appreciate that because I think you know, you spend your life like you try every single day to better yourself and your thing your thing is of course, entertainment and and humor and all those things. It’s just it’s impressive to me,

thank you it was it was terrifying because it was a lot of pressure because you know, a lot of times it’s cool if you have something that you desire over the course of like your childhood and your you know when you’re 18 In your, you know your life, but at the same time, it’s a lot of pressure to move forward and actually act upon that. And so my whole life I kept telling myself and my friends would tell me, oh, you should be a comedian, you should be a comedian. And I would tell myself like, Oh, I’m gonna be a comedian. But then when push comes to shove, and you have to get on stage and make up stuff and make people laugh, it’s terrifying. And so I did it. And I it was, it was it was a weird peak. It’s like, I walked offstage. And I just felt nothing. And I was just like, well, I did it. And then I think the, I think the day of or the day before, or the day after, it was within that, within that span, I just started, I was walking to a class, and I just started, I was rehearsal, I was walking to rehearsal for a show I was in at the time. And I just started like crying on the way because I was just like, if I could talk to myself, at eight years old, I think he would be proud of me. And I think that’s an important thing absolutely, is when you can sit there and say, My child’s self was all his or her wonderment and expectations of how the world works. And naive, naive, that’s I think, naivete naivete, that’s the word would be proud of me in this moment. And that’s a very powerful emotion to feel silly. And I just started crying. And I walked into my rehearsal, and I sat down it like on the other side, away from the other actors, and I just kind of experienced this emotion. And then like, in the middle of the rehearsal, the one of the actors came up to me that I didn’t even know I didn’t talk to the guy. And he comes up to me, he’s like, Hey, man, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, why? What’s up, and he was, like, I saw you, you look very upset. And I was just like, oh, and then I explained to the cast, what kind of happened. And I was just, it was a nice moment. But that’s, it’s a very, it’s a very scary thing to be vulnerable in front of people. But then when you start doing it consistently, kind of like I do, it’s so like, freeing. Yeah, it’s so freeing to get on stage and just open yourself up.

Well, I’d like to question the assumptions, I guess the base core truth to that, because I do think that by and large, people do think that that’s terrifying, either to be vulnerable or to be on stage or both. But why?

I don’t know. I experienced that a lot with music and touring and playing in front of once that first note comes out of my mouth. The terror kind of subsides. Yeah, I think that’s, that’s true. Just that, that moment, there’s that blip on the radar.

I can’t explain it. I don’t know is it that we are most afraid of it except

for me, if all the time is acceptance, it was like pleasant, pleasing, just wanted to please you know, and there’s a study that came out I think I read it and Pollstar something, people 97% of concert goers, whether comedy or theater or music 97% want to be entertained, oh, you know, buy a ticket and say, I’m gonna hate this damn show. For sure, go there wanting it there 3% That go just because they have, you know, the ride or whatever my point is, is like, the likelihood of entertaining and, you know, captivating your crowd is pretty high 97%. So

expectations are high to the right. And you think that just because you have the expectation to be made to laugh, that could work for you, as a as a performer, it can work against you. Because if someone’s coming in here, like, Hey, make me laugh. I’m, I’m excited to laugh. They could be more open to laughing, or they could be a little bit more aloof to it, maybe harder work for you. So I think that’s, I do think it comes down to acceptance and rejection, I also think it comes ultimately down to what people think of us, right? And you have to wonder, you know, first of all, why does it matter? What people think of us really, at the end of the day? Why does it matter? That’s never anything that anyone wrestles with, who we’re nearing the end of their days. I just wish that I had worried a little bit more about what people think of me. Nobody ever says that. Why do we put so much energy into it? Imagine the liberation we’d all experience. If we decided that that was no longer going to be a priority. That was no longer going to be a fear that we allowed to have the kind of death grip on our personalities that it does.

And I think that’s what’s so enticing for me to hear you talk is like whenever you refer to that wall, whenever I did that, audition, you surpass that wall and don’t care. And it’s so liberating and you’re free, like you’re totally free. I think that we can apply that with everything.

Absolutely. It really can, including stressful situations where we can break them down, look at the facts decide that we want to be playful about that. How much of that has to matter. And how much of that do we want to have say over us? How much of that do we want to have control over us? I want to be free?

Yeah. No, I was just gonna agree with you there. They think it’s, it’s, I’m always learning though. I think that’s always always something to think about is I still have that kind of sportsy to trying to be cool kid from like middle school in early high school in May, because I played sports my whole life. My parents just like threw me in all the sports to find something that stuck. And I ended up playing hockey for a long time. And then when I got to Owensboro, high school, all my friends from Owensboro, middle school played football. So I was like, Oh, I’ll play football, just thinking like, all my friends are doing it. But then, you know, here comes like summer, two days, and I’m coming home at the end of the day, just exhausted. I’m like, why am I doing this? I’m not good at this, right. And then my freshman year, a bunch of my football buddies actually did theater. And that’s how I got into it. And that’s where I started as just some kind of sporty ish kid that still didn’t really fit in sports, just doing theater, and it just stuck. And I’ve been doing it ever since then. But even now, as you know, I’m nearing my junior year of college and I’ve been doing this for four or 567 years. I still am constantly having to tell myself to, you know, stop being trying to be so cool. Just let it let it happen. I had an audition. I’m in Mamma mia, with encore musicals here in town this summer. And in the audition, I There are several times I had to tell myself, I’m like, What do you feel? Why are you freezing up about this? Like, just just go into it, just, you know.

But the difference is you can do that. You can talk to yourself, and you will listen. And that’s that’s a skill. I think that everybody really could benefit from absolutely being able to talk to themselves. self taught me is what we call it. You should be your own best friend for sure. Absolutely. And to self soothe. Self supervise. Yeah, good for you. Wait, it’s been a wonderful pleasure and privilege to have you on

been a prolific privilege to be on it’s been an honor. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m Jonathan Carroll. I’m

Nathan Morris. And I am Forrest Clark

and this is you’ll die trying Thank you for listening.